15 year long friendship between my wife, our friend and myself ended because I called them out for their hurtful behavior.

My wife (F26) and I (M26) got married in late 2022. One of our closest friends, N (also 26), was the reason we even met. I’ve known her since high school; my wife knew her since childhood. She was like family—we shared trauma, road trips, and countless late-night talks.

In 2019, when we got our first place, N was over all the time. We supported her through her coming out, but she had a habit of disappearing for weeks and flaking, especially if something “better” came up. Still, we loved her.

Then came L, her girlfriend from another city. L quickly showed signs of being emotionally manipulative—pressuring N to break lockdown, interfering with plans, and monopolizing her time. When we hung out as couples, L was cold and controlling. But we kept trying.

Things shifted after my birthday trip in fall 2021. We rented an Airbnb. That night, L made weird, uncomfortable comments implying my fiancée had feelings for N. Later that night, I played music to drown out thin walls and went to bed. The next morning, N and L were crying and left abruptly. N later told us L had assaulted her. We were horrified—but they stayed together.

We didn’t confront them, but our opinion of L changed forever—we never saw her the same way.

N was a bridesmaid at our wedding but barely helped. Two days before, she had a blowout with her mom. I picked her up, and she stayed with us until the wedding—then moved in with L the next day and never came back to our city.

We still tried to be supportive. L, a musician, even performed at our ceremony. In hindsight, we regret it.

In May 2023, we planned and paid for an Airbnb trip for my wife’s birthday. N said she’d come, then bailed a week before. L had extended their travel plans and asked N to shoot photos for her band—on my wife’s birthday weekend. N said she “had no choice.” My wife was crushed.

I asked N to call. Five days later, we spoke. I said, “You hurt [wife]. You flaked again. You only ever do what suits you.” She deflected. I said I didn’t want excuses and hung up. That was the last conversation… until June.

We all went to the same festival separately. Right before it, N messaged my wife saying she “felt attacked,” and accused me of saying things I never did—things we’re sure L put in her head.

At the festival, N walked away from us. L stayed and launched into a public verbal attack, calling us “mentally unwell,” paranoid, delusional, friendless. My wife—normally calm—snapped and told her off. We walked away.

Afterward, I messaged N saying I couldn’t believe she’d throw away 15 years of friendship. Her response?

“I never said that.” Again, it felt like L had twisted things.

In February, I noticed I was unblocked. I messaged N asking if we could talk. She agreed—but ghosted when I followed up.

Are we in the wrong for finally calling her out? For setting boundaries after years of flaking, emotional distance, and being caught in the middle of L’s manipulation?

TL;DR:
My wife and I were extremely close with a longtime friend who even introduced us and stood in our wedding. Over time, her emotionally manipulative partner isolated her and disrupted our friendship. After years of flaking, broken promises, and one-sided effort, we finally called her out. She cut us off, and we haven’t truly spoken since.