Hello everyone, recently i’ve been very confused and conflicted on my love and just wanted advice or feedback as i am only 17 and this is my first ever real relationship with a girl.
This girl is 18 and we’ve been dating for a year and almost 3 months now. When we first met and started dating it was amazing. This girl was one of the first girls to show me attention and interest in me. At the time I thought she was pretty and was cool as we liked the same music and she was into video editing (same as me) and had a funny sense of humour. A shy person (cute to me as I was also shy), and over the course of this past year I’ve gotten to really know her and I’ve grown a lot since we first met.
But I am no longer the same boy she once met. I am starting to become a young man. I’ve started my own business which I have plans to graduate top of my class and get free funding for business school and start my own business one day. Got it all planned out down to what equipment I’m getting and what services I’ll offer.
And I also know what kind of love I want. When we first met, her liking me was enough because nobody ever liked me before. But now it’s different. Now I know what type of love I need and want, and my girlfriend isn’t necessarily what I want. But also, I don’t want to give up. I am constantly feeling drained of my love, disconnected with her, and feel like I’m always trying but she’s not. She does though in her own ways, just not in the ways I need. I’ve tried to talk to her a lot about how I love and how I feel but nothing ever changes. Actions over words, I told her, and how I don’t know if I can keep doing this if she doesn’t grow with me.
She’s an emotional person. Cries a lot about things, gets overwhelmed easily or mad about small stuff, and when she comes to me crying I try my best. I love her and support her but it never feels like I’m enough. Like I’m constantly being drained.
But it’s not always like this. At times I feel loved, understood, appreciated. But then it fades and I go back into reality. It feels like I’m holding onto who we once were rather than who we are becoming. I feel it in my chest that what I crave is different from her. It’s not her fault because she is trying her best in her ways and she loves me so deeply, I know it. But I still feel disconnected. Not aligned with her, for multiple reasons. What I crave and want is someone who understands me in every way. Someone who’s chill, loving, kind, supporting.
Someone who I can just vibe with on the same level with me and who doesn’t shut down easily and actually helps me grow, not make me feel stuck. But it’s so hard because this girl isn’t just some girl. She genuinely changed me for the better. Made me show up more, to try harder, to become the young man I am right now. But it feels like she stopped growing with me. I feel like now I’m just staying with someone because of memories and who we used to be. But it’s so hard to leave her because what if this is just a phase? But I know it’s more, but… I don’t?
I’ve tried and I’ve shown my love in so many ways. All the paragraphs I send her. All the little things I do for her. It just doesn’t feel like she gives it back in the way I do, or love me the way I need. And that hurts. It hurts so bad because I want it to be her who grows with me. I want it to be her who shows up and loves me the way I need. To be emotionally strong. To understand me.
But yet again, even if she does all that, I still think I crave a more deeper connection with someone. Not someone I’m just dating, but someone who actually gets me for me and does a lot of the same stuff with me.
What I’m saying is, I’m not the same boy she met. I’ve grown a lot. I went from her being my whole world to her being a part of it. Because at some point I realized she’s her own person and I’m my own person, and I am just grateful to have her in my life and for her to love me.
But eventually, I feel like I started growing more and more to the point where now, I don’t want just surface level love. I want that deep soul connection love. Love isn’t always supposed to be a happy ending. Sometimes it’s here to teach us who we’re meant to become.
But leaving hurts. Because everything we’ve built together and done together, it’s not just memories. She’s been such a huge impact on my life. But now I just crave something deeper. Something more in tune with who I’m becoming. Because I just want to rock with someone, not be rocked.
But I know if I do decide to leave, that I’ll grow stronger and I’ll know what I want. Because I got into a relationship with her because she liked me, and that was enough for old me. But now I crave something deeper. Something more on my level. And it’s not my girlfriend’s fault. She’s been so sweet, so loving, so kind, and so loyal. But she’s also very emotional, and it gets draining. And I know she can grow with me, but 420 days later and it just feels like she doesn’t really get me all that much.
And this just hurts me and I’ve been so confused. Right now I’m staying with her for 3 weeks. It’s been 3 days so far and I’ve been in a constant switch-up of “I’m fighting for her no matter what” to “I don’t know if this is what I want” and it’s been so mentally draining. And I can’t even talk to her about this because she will get sad. She won’t understand, but she will break down and cry. And blame it on herself. That’s who she is most times. Try to talk to her about something and it ends up me comforting her. And it’s exhausting and draining and I don’t know what to do, because there was a time where I had a whole future planned with this girl.
But I’m not the same person I once was. And after these 3 weeks are over and I’m back home, I think I’ll truly know what I want.
TL;DR
(17M) & (18F) — First real relationship. Been together for over a year. She was one of the first girls to ever truly like me, but I’ve grown a lot since we met and now I feel like we’re no longer aligned. I’m starting to want a deeper connection, someone who really understands me and grows with me emotionally and mentally. She’s kind, loving, and loyal — but very emotional, and I often feel drained. I love her, but I don’t know if we’re truly compatible anymore. I’m confused, torn, and trying to figure out what’s best for both of us.
If you read all of this, thank you for listening. First time posting on here. Feels like I didn’t say enough. I hope I did. And also I apologize if this is messy or anything, because there’s a lot to this and it’s not as simple as putting it into one big text. Okay, maybe it is, but it would have to be a whole book haha. But seriously, if you’re reading this right now, thank you. And I hope you have an amazing night or day:)