TL;DR: 18/M in a 4-month relationship with 18/F. She’s emotionally intense and it’s draining me. I feel like I’m losing myself in the process, neglecting my family, health, and hobbies. She still talks to her exes, which bothers me. I’m torn between wanting to stay for her and needing to focus on myself. Any advice on how to handle this?
Hey Reddit,
I’m 18/M, and I’ve been in a relationship with a girl (18/F) for about 4 months now. When we first started talking, it was just late-night chats, and I didn’t think it would go anywhere. But over time, she became really important to me. She’s caring, supportive, and always encourages me to be my best. The problem is, as the relationship has gone on, I’ve started to feel like I’m losing myself in the process.
Before this, I was more independent — I spent time with my family, focused on my hobbies (sports, spirituality), and just did my own thing. Since getting involved with her, I’ve been isolating myself more. I don’t talk to my family as much, and I spend hours on my phone trying to keep up with her emotional needs. I do care about her, but I’m starting to feel drained and like I’m losing a sense of who I am.
She’s emotionally intense. Whenever I take a break, go offline, or focus on something else for even a moment, she gets upset, sends sad emojis, or asks me where I’ve gone. If she’s busy and goes offline without telling me, I feel hurt. It’s like I’m walking on eggshells, trying to balance comforting her and managing my own life.
On top of that, she’s still in touch with her exes, which bothers me. I haven’t confronted her about it, but it’s causing trust issues and making me feel like I’m constantly reassuring her that I’m not going anywhere. I’m not even sure if I’m truly in love with her, but I know she loves me a lot, and it’s hard to turn my back on that.
My friend (18/M) warned me that I might be getting played, but when I shared this with her, she blamed my friend for her past relationships ending.
So here I am, struggling between wanting to stay in the relationship because I care about her, and feeling like I’m losing myself in the process. I’m growing, but at what cost? I don’t want to end things, but I also don’t want to be trapped in a cycle of guilt and emotional exhaustion.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you navigate these conflicting emotions? Any advice on how to address these issues without completely shutting down the relationship?
Thanks in advance for the advice.