my bf and i have been arguing for the past week because of a mistake that I repeated. theres something/a solution that I need to figure out, but it was hard to come up with something satisfactory. after a few days, he told me that just normally texting wasn’t getting us anywhere, because i hadnt resolved the situation. he suggested that we just don’t talk until I figure something out to make him feel better, and he would give me a months time. few hours later tho, he regretted what he said and said he wanted to keep talking even if nothing I said made him feel better so we did. Part of his reason was because he felt like it doesnt rlly feel like a relationship if we stop talking, and he liked my company
our texts for the next few days consisted of him being really dry (as he usually is when hes upset) and me trying to text how i normally do (like upbeat and joking, etc). Recently, there were random times when he suddenly changed his way of talking and he would joke around with me and type in caps. this change confused me, because i wasn’t sure why he started texting normally again when I still hadn’t come up with a solution. But not long after he’d go back to texting simply again. This happened two nights in a row.
When I asked him about it today, he said he did that because “it was boring asf to talk to u otherwise”. and he continued to go on about how us talking hasnt really done anything or changed how he felt.
For me, I like talking to him, and it meant a lot to me that he continued to talk to me. But with all the things he said, it feels like he didn’t want to talk anymore, or saw it as some chore/nuisance. And if thats the case, then I don’t want to force him to talk to me. So I brought it up again, about whether we should just stop talking until I figure smth out.
I told him to choose, and he said he’d get really pissed if I made him choose so he forced me to choose. I wanted to say let’s stop talking for now bc from how i feel about how he talks to me, it makes me feel shitty and drained to talk to him bc its dry and it feels like he doesnt want to. but I went with the other because he said he’ll proly get pissed too if i chose the wrong one which I assume was the one where we stop talking. He said after that he was leaning more towards continue talking, than stop talking. But he said part of him still didn’t want to talk, so he said “ill respond when I want to then”. It’s not just a one time thing, like give me a break to think and i’ll come back to talk. It’s more like ima ignore ur future msgs whenever I want, and respond whenever i feel like it each time until u reach a conclusion.
I understand hes upset, so if he wants time thats fine. But at the same time, it doesn’t really feel like a relationship if just one person responds whenever suits them. It doesn’t make me feel like he values me at all. Becuase if he says he’s gonna respond when he wants, it gives me a pretty clear idea that he’s gonna ignore me a good amt until he wants to reply. It doesn’t feel like he cares at all abt how that makes me feel, and honestly atp id rather that he just not talk to me. Then again idk, I was the one who fucked up anyways, so idek if I can feel that way. I’d appreciate insight from y’all about the situation. In a relationship, even if ur upset, is it appropriate to just respond whenever u want?
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been arguing after I repeated a mistake, and even though he said he still wanted to talk, he’s been really distant and now says he’ll just respond when he wants. It’s making me feel hurt and unimportant, and questioning if its fair or not
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> because of a mistake that I repeated.
You’re going to have to say with this “mistake” was if you want advice.