I would like to start out with hey I’m a 18 year old male that is seeking advice on my parents it all started when I was a kid I was in 4th grade and started realizing how left out I felt without making any friends throughout my short time in school and when I mentioned it to my parents they homeschooled me to make things better
Which made it 10x worse I’ve struggled with depression all my life after seeing my brother get killed next to me in a car crash when I was 8 year old.i got my first electronic it was a iPod touch at 17 years old in hope of finding friends to talk to but didn’t help because I wasn’t aloud to have any apps or anything on the iPod touch when I turned 18 years old they let me do a campground job part time for a 2 week period and made me quit it because they said I spend to much time away from them but I’m 18 years old not allowed to get my GED or my drivers license or have any apps on my iPod touch still get grounded for months at a time for punishment and still not allowed to make friends or go outside without a parent would love to hear your thoughts thanks for your time
18M my parents won’t let me do anything
r/Advice
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What would happen if you went out without them?
you are legal adult now. It sounds pretty bad tbh, I would try to talk with them of course, but if not, try to find someone who will talk with them for you. I mean, it seems that they are trying to protect you from everything, but that can make it even worse.
Dude this read was a fucking rollercoaster but What does 4th grade and GED mean? It’s hard to ask questions when I don’t understand the context?
You’re 18. They can’t force you to do anything, and if they do you can call the cops.
This is kinda wild. I know we can’t always assume, but if you’re in the USA. I think I would recommend getting your GED as soon as possible and by any means necessary. After that, I’d recommend finding a job that provides housing. When I was a teenager, fresh out of high school, me and my buddies packed up on a Greyhound bus, and went out to Yellowstone for the summer. They provide housing and a job, meet all kinds of people from all over the world. I know it’s hard right now but I wish you the best of luck. The company is called xanterra, and Yellowstone isn’t the only park that offers this.
Youre a legal adult. They literally cant ground you it would be illegal because they are holding you against their will.
what the fuck this is wild as fuck. some day you are gonna have to be your own person and that is going to be extremely hard because you haven’t gone through the basics of growing up. i was raised by really strict parents in an abusive household and it’s been a couple of years since i got out of that situation and my brain still can’t adjust to the real world, in the aspect of socializing or just doing things that are normal and were always accessible to everyone else. It’s very good to be book smart but some other skills are crucial for life and your parents know that.
On top of getting you homeschooled they cut off any means of you making a friend which is extremely bad. Now at 18 they’re treating you the way a 12 year old is supposed to be treated.
I’m sorry to say it but they could’ve probably even prevented your depression, or at least a good chunk of it had they let you into the real world and helped you get friends.
Please tell me you at least had hobbies, did a sport or something?
If I were you I would get a job asap and run the fuck out of there. Legally you’re an adult, noone can ground you or forbid you from getting a driver’s licence. That is diabolical. All your parents are doing is doing you harm, even tho they might not think that.
You at least need to sit down with them and have a long calm conversation about this all with them because it is insane!!!!! INSANE!!!!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this
EDIT: saying some day in the beginning of the comment was supposed to be now, but considering the situation OP still needs to get there. Wish you all the best OP
You’re 18 and still can’t write in sentences?
Your parents are super in the wrong and you need to break free but I wouldn’t be surprised if they are the way they are because they don’t want to lose you like they lost your brother and they think that they are protecting you and are scaredof having a moment without you. Doesn’t justify or excuse it, but it explains it. Coming at it from that perspective might help you figure out the way to approach them to figure out how you can loosen their chains on you.
I’m too European to understand what GED is
So sorry about your trauma. Join the military- its a great option for some. Or the Peace Corps- you’ll see the world very quickly and make a difference, have purpose
Your post history seems to indicate you may be more worldly than this post implies. Do you think your parents’ strictness is related to drug use? Your situation as presented sounds like it may be abusive.
Covenant House offers services for young people in crisis up to the age of 24. covenanthouse.org. If you are in need of assistance, check their website for a facility in your area.
The domestic violence national website is http://www.thehotline.com. They have an 800 number, chat, and text.
You’re parents don’t let you do anything because you allow them to control you. (I can relate, I had a very similar situation with my parents. I used to be a pushover and let my parents control me however/whever they liked).
I suggest making a plan on how you can move out and be self-sufficient and follow the plan. Otherwise you will be 50 years old, still being treated like a little kid, while expected to take care of them.
Do you have a relative of friend who would take you in until you can get a job?
Get your GED , prioritize it. Ignore your parents. Once you get a GED join the military , gtfo of that controlling household.
A lot of states have an organization called Job Corps. They provide housing and training for jobs, with some even giving jobs suitable for each person’s interest or skills.
OP, look into Job Corps if they’re in your area.
You’re 18. Get your own place already.
Is age 18 considered an adult where you live?
What is your fathers job? What is your mother’s job? Do you have any Aunts or Uncles? What type of house do you live in? # of stories, # of bedrooms, # of bathrooms?
Were you hurt in the car accident? Was anyone else hurt except your brother?
Do you have any disabilities?
Here’s what you do
Neighbors
Coaches
Teachers
Tell them what you told us .
You’re an adult and you can do whatever you want, but it may cost you your home in your relationship with your parents
You need to get your high school diploma. You need to get your drivers license. You need to get a job you need to start living life.
Your parents have emotionally crippled you by not giving you experiences and emotional tools to support yourself
It’s time that you start taking control
If you’re in the USA, they can’t stop you from doing those things. You are legally an adult. You have all of the legal rights that an adult has.
Wow kid, I mean seriously wow…..
For starters my heart goes out to you and your family because it sounds like it has been hard for all of you.
And I also want to preface this by saying none if this is your fault at this point in your life and you will receive hate from people down the line for all sorts of reasons because thats how life works. But it’s not your fault.
I can relate to this in the sense of I went to school but was forced into isolation for the same reason. I was never allowed to go out anywhere. My Dad was stuck in bed barking orders all day so I had a job, and drove when I was young and only got “privilege” if it served the family unit. Like if I wanted to drive somewhere I had to wait until I went grocery shopping so I could make a pit stop.
What I will say is that when I turned 18, I had the heaviest burden on my heart. I had gotten approved for a scholarship to the college I wanted to go to but knew the toxic environment I was in would not foster growth only make it 10 times harder for me to succeed.
So I joined the USMC , and it broke my heart to leave at first as much as I was hot on my feet to run out of there and never look back. It was the best decision of my life , I met other people like me , formed bonds and built healthy connections with a brotherhood.
That opened my eyes to what healthy connections and love for one another truly look like. I soon realized that my parents were raising me the best way they knew how – which was through isolating me. But when I got out into the world I learned that if you live for abundance instead you have no idea how far you’ll fly.
As corny as it sounds to hear from a (31M) trust in God , have faith and follow your heart and give it everything you’ve got. Because God did not create you and your parents to be exactly the same. You have a destiny and the fact that you made this post shows you can feel it.
If you unsure how – and you’re scared like I was , I recommend get your GED – go to a USAF recruiting office ask to take the ASVAB and have Uncle Sam take you around the world and experience all that you can. It will give you a plan , support, benefits, and purpose.
Your parents are afraid to lose you which is why they keep you close. But you cant live in the shadow of that Trauma forever. I mean you can but you would have to accept that fact now. That you will never leave. And no one deserves that.
Whatever you decide – know you have one more person praying and rooting for you. Stand tall and fail forward. Success isn’t earned its built. Start building your life vision.
Do you have the ability to make private phone calls?
I would recommend calling Adult Protective Services (APS) for your area. A social worker can help you figure out resources and make a plan for how to get away from your parents.
You should also try to figure out where your birth certificate and social security card are and have a plan for how to get ahold of them when the time is right. If your parents would notice those missing don’t take them right away.
Legally you’re an adult. You are free to come and go as you please, to move out, to get your GED, etc.
Legally they can say that if you won’t live by their rules you have 30 days to move out. (In some states they actually have to support you until you’re 19 and have a high school diploma – the social worker can help you figure out local laws).
Since they can probably tell you to move out, it’s smart to put together a plan before openly defying them. The odds are that they’re bluffing and once you refuse to submit to their control, they’ll adjust. But you need a backup plan just in case.
If they literally kick you out with no notice you can call the police and they’ll be forced to let you back in.
If you don’t have a Facebook account, go ahead and make one. Maybe use a fake last name for now, and don’t use your photo. Find local Facebook groups to join. A lot of local people would be willing to help you out – giving you furniture and kitchen supplies for example. But also you may be able to rent a room in a senior citizen’s house for very cheap in return for giving them a little friendship and handling things like climbing on a ladder to change a lightbulb. In return, they can help you learn to navigate the world as an adult. Something your parents should have been preparing you for but clearly haven’t.
Visit r/personalfinance and do a Google search on “Adulting 101” to get a list of topics that you can self study so you’ll be a little better prepared for the real world.
Study for your GED online. Look up what you need in order to take the test. If a local kid posted on FB or my city’s Reddit that they were 18, homeschooled, and their parents wouldn’t let them get their GED, I’d be willing to let the kid use my address to register for the test and would help get them to the testing center.
I’m sorry that you have terrible parents, but it’s great that you’re looking for ideas in order to get your own life. It will take some time, but you can do this!
I’m going to be honest with you. You’re in a bad situation here.
You are now legally an adult and you have been so sheltered and held back from developing normally that you will be starting out at a disadvantage.
Please breathe. You’re going to be okay. But this will mean you have work to do.
Ask yourself this:
What do YOU want to accomplish?
Your GED? Education Beyond GED? Financial Independence? Living on your own or with a room mate not family?
Without bringing too much emotion into this, you need to approach your parents about your concerns. So long as you live under their roof, they do have control.
You need to have a conversation and tell them you need the following;
1.) Help to be a successful adult. You cannot live with them forever. Give yourself time and patience to manage a household. Learn to cook, clean, do laundry for yourself.
2.) Finish education. Give you the option to sign up for GED prep coursework AND dedicate time to study.
3.) Aquire a job. You’re just starting out with no experience, and this may have to come after your GED. But Retail, Food Service, Janitorial, General Labor jobs will likely be your first step.
If your parents are not interested or go through lengths to continue to hold you back. I’m sorry. You are on your own and you need to figure out how to work on yourself in secret.
Either way. So long as you have a browser on a phone/computer/tablet you still have options.
Look up “Job Corp + Your City and State” there are public services that are designed to help people your age with resources for education and job training. Reach out to them via call, text, or email. Briefly explain your situation and see if they can offer any resources or guidance.
You got this, you’re taking the first steps to make yourself better and independent. And you should be proud of yourself for that.