Okay so I know my question sounds bad but trust me it’s not. I’m a 19/F and my little cousin is like 8/F, and lately she’s been becoming more like me. I know kids do that when they see someone they really like and there’s nothing wrong with it, except I don’t want HER to idolize ME. For context I’m very “emo,” introverted, anti social, and have bad habits, but to her I look “cool” when I’m just a loser. I personally see myself as a very bad example because my trauma is why I’m like this, and I don’t think she knows that 🥀. (Which is fine bc she doesn’t need to.)
I went on a trip with my family, and during that trip I’ve become close with my little cousin. So whenever there’s a family gathering she likes to hang out with me and kind of mimic what I’m doing. She has an older sister around my age, but she doesn’t really give her attention or sibling love or bonding (if that makes sense.) Her older sister used to when they were younger, but ever since the older sister got into a relationship the little one got rubbed off. And I kind of took it upon myself to bond with my little cousin and take her under my wing. (It’s starting to sound like my fault I know.) But I felt bad, I fortunately have two older sibling who love and tolerate me but she only has one. And when I meant to take her under my wing, I just wanted to encourage her curiosity and passion for art and other things. (I showed her one drawing and her mind when crazy.) And yesterday when she came over for dinner, she literally looked like the mini version of me 😟. She even got my shrimp posture and gaming habits bro… It’s that bad, to the point that even her parents noticed. I don’t want her potential to be something more to be ruined by me. So that’s when I thought I should change myself to be different, so maybe I can influence a more positive outcome. But how do I do that??? Help 🙁
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The reason for you being who you are doesn’t matter when it comes to her. I don’t say that to invalidate your trauma, but you need to understand that you likely come across as a kind, artistically expressive, respectful adult figure that is outside of her life drama. That’s something a kid gravitates towards. Emulating you is just showing that she feels like you’re the nicer, more reasonable version of an adult for her
You can’t stop her from idolizing you unless you want to traumatize her. She’s struggling to figure herself out. What that means is that YOU need to be better. Stand up straight, be interested in the world, and encourage productivity and healthy emotional habits like strong coping skills and communication skills. Become someone that’s FULLY healthy to emulate, even if it’s not necessarily who you are.
Heck. It might help you too.
A little kid, especially a family member is looking up to you and you’re upset? You should be proud! Obviously her older sister doesn’t give a damn and she found a connection with you. Who cares what she imitates, she likes what she was around with you. The best part is, she’s so young that her style will probably change, but you should be appreciating it instead of rejecting it. My guess is that you’re so young. You’re 19, who cares if someone “copies” you, that’s the best form of flattery
You took the words out of my mouth. I was going to say maybe you can use this as an opportunity to change. To change oneself is a big thing. I advise that you start a journal that you can keep private. Write about your day, specifically: the highlight of your day such as what went well and what didn’t go well (or could have gone better). It is important that you do this daily that way you don’t lose your way or motivation. Focus on the small things because you have to start somewhere. Dial in on that. These small improvements will lead to big change over time. When things get hard, look back to see how far you have come. Keep on going! You are the person that can make the change happen! Believe! You are capable! Thank you for sharing.
I made a comment earlier but here’s a better take on it, in my opinion. I’m 36 years old. 6 years apart from my younger sister. Once I got a license and was able to drive at 16, my job was to take my little sister to school and pick her up from school. Here I am 16 and trying to ride with my girl or have friends in the car so at the beginning I hated everything about it. My 10yo sister listened to the Jonas and Miley Cyrus around the clock. Meanwhile I was very into my screamo bands that I would hardly ever sacrifice just because my sister was in the car riding with ME.
It didn’t take long, within months she was requesting my music and the car rides became bonding moments to my said songs. Not trying to end on a sappy note, but I drove her to school until I went off to college and she became a full emo, pop punk, and little metal head. She ended up being diagnosed with leukemia when I was 20 and died a few months later after the original prognosis. I miss those moments, even still 16 years later
I cherish those memories. She just originally needed a ride, then her music mindset flipped while spending time with her older brother, to that’s all she listened to until she passed away
I think you should try your hardest to be a good example for her.