I feel like I never really grew up. This is not to say that I’m “childish”, my parents always said I was extremely mature for my age but I seem to be frozen in time. My writing hasn’t improved dramatically, neither do I feel like I know more things despite several years passing by. I have the same habits, I don’t like socialising and I’m extremely worried about my future. Could this be a medical issue? Am I dumb? Why am I incapable of changing?
19F— I still feel 12 inside.
r/Advice
Comments
Considering you saying your parents used to tell you you are ‘mature for your age’. Were you bullied as a kid? what was your upbringing like? did you parents expect a lot from you? what was your relationship like with them?
No . If you have parents that tolerate it you should be as childish you want . They would like it anyways.
I’ve always felt like I’m stuck at a certain age. It is likely a mental health related issue. We are stuck at an age for some reason. Certainly not dumb and it isn’t uncommon
I’m 37m and a NASA technician. I still often feel like a kid in a room full of adults, even though I’m older and am teaching several of the engineers I work with.
I don’t know if I really have any advice other than try to just live with the feeling. Once you make peace with it, it stops being so much of a bother.
When I was 12, I’d see teachers at school being like 25 years old and I’d think, wow, I’ll have my shit together like that when I’m 25. When I was 25, I did not have my shit together. I was still the same person as always, but with more responsibilities and life lessons learnt. Sure I may not be spamming xD and UR MUDDA in the Skype group chat anymore, but I’d like to think that we all are just the same as when we were younger, but a bit matured and with more responsibilities. Do you still do as many silly and stupid things as you did when you were 12? I’d imagine not
You are not alone! Many people feel the same at your age
The changes are not instantaneous, it is slow and often difficult to notice in yourself
You grow, even if now it is not so. Be patient and kind to yourself
This isn’t too uncommon. I think some people can relate to this. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was 11 and I felt a lot of pressure to be a better behaved and a more mature kid so I wouldn’t disappoint them. They didn’t make me do this. But they would praise my behavior and I would internalize it and suppress my inner developmental chaos.
You’re not dumb a lot of people feel stuck around your age. Highschool is done, people are going to college and pursuing their future which they already seem to have figured out. But they don’t, they’re stumbling through it too. Growth isn’t always obvious or dramatic, and being worried about your future means you are thinking, learning, and trying to grow even if it doesn’t feel like it.
If you were called “mature for your age” growing up, you might’ve skipped parts of emotional development that others got to explore. That can make you feel frozen now. Do you talk to a therapist about any of this? Do you have any goals in your life? It would be useful to pursue something, even if you’re not 100% sure about it.
These negative feelings are a signal from your body that you NEED change so you can feel like you’re still growing.
Things grow where your attention goes. What are you naturally curious about? Go learn to focus on that a little bit everyday.
Take time to intentionally chase your interests, and to push away from the comfort zone whenever you are faced with the choice to stay the same.
If you follow the road as it lays itself out before you, you’ll have your life in a place where everything you do is worthwhile and interesting.
Do I ever get to change the “same me?”
Just wondering if you’ve ever considered being on the spectrum. A lot of people with Asperger’s (Autism) out there feel this way. It’s also difficult to manage long term friendships and understand why neurotypical people are so good at “playing the game” and seem to succeed and do what’s needed of them without difficulty.
Just a thought. It took about 35 years of asking questions like the one you just asked for me to understand I’m just kind of like this and it’s not a bad thing, just different.
I think that when people turn out stagnant is because they don’t push themselves out of their comfort zone. I know that when we begin to explore the world, things could feel very difficult to navigate. It’s just that practice makes perfect.
I still feel like a kid deep down inside my soul, too. Who knows why?
To level set, what’s your reference for knowing how a 19 year old should feel like?
What behaviors, thoughts, or emotions are you thinking are wrong to have at 19?
I think many people feel like you do, I certainly did. It’s easy to think you are younger than your actual age to get out of your expectations and responsibility. I never felt like I was mature enough for my age. I think it’s natural to feel that way.
You say your writing or knowledge hasn’t improved, have you put some effort into it? Because just because you graduated from highschool, it doesn’t guarantee you to be at certain level, some people stay functionally illiterate in some cases. Do you have some learning difficulty? If so, you need to seek some support.
But the hard fact is, the society will judge you according to your age.
I’m 53. I feel like I’m still a child. I feel everyone has it together and knows how to adult, except me. Children and animals love me
I don’t know if your feeling is different or the same, I have learned and acquired a lot of knowledge since I was a child, but as the NASA technician said, carry on and live with this feeling
I think you might want to check these subs out :
r/autism
r/autisticadults
Okay well I’ve done my best to avoid embarrassment in certain cases, and in others actively sought it out and survived. I can emotionally open up, sure. I don’t have an identity built around being responsible or mature, if anything my behaviour is the opposite.
I guess I was “sheltered” and wanted to be the “good kid” as a result of having an overly strict-ish parent. I rebelled a few times by sneaking out/ getting secretly tattooed so I thought I made up for my childhood lol.
I think other people make me curious. I love learning about their lives and what makes them tick. They’re like puzzles that help me figure out life through different lenses/ frameworks.
I haven’t felt ridiculous in a long time so I’m not sure. Not being good enough scares me lol. And the feeling that I’m setting myself up to be insignificant and sabotaging my own “potential”.
Generally most people feel this way and everyone is pretending otherwise. The imposter syndrome is real.
I think a big part of it is also due to the pandemic which occurred while you were still young. I still feel like a high schooler because of it.
You may not feel like you are maturing but you are. Everyone is. Humans are capable of change, but it can be a much slower process when you’re older. It’s just about gaining life experience.
Never let go of the child inside. Cliché as fuck but it super true.
I get the feeling you’re not really referring to childishness tho rather intelligence?
Find things that intrest you and follow the thread:)
This might just be a self-perception thing. Has testing shown that you are at a 12 year old level academically? If not, maybe you just assumed that by 19, you would know everything. That never happens. Adults are clueless a lot of the time.
Age doesn’t teach you things, doing teaches you things. If you’re concerned about this area, get some life experience by getting a part time job or something! People adapt to the situations they’re in,and that’s part of growing up. If you’ve been relatively unchallenged and stayed within your comfort zone, this might contribute to the feeling you have. I doubt there’s anything wrong with you, other than needing to get out and have an adventure of some kind.