so, i’m 19f but my birthday is on sunday so i’m just gonna say i’m 20. i’ve never been in a relationship, never been on a date and never had sex. this is a problem for me. i crave human connection so badly, but everything seems to go wrong in my life regarding people. i always end up alone.
i’m autistic + adhd so i do have my struggles when it comes to talking to people, but i’m a LOT better than i used to be, and i’m way more sociable. all i had to do was basically force myself to get out there, regardless of my anxiety, humiliation and embarrassment.
i do tend to get over enthusiastic when i’m talking about a topic i’m passionate about, which can deter people. they know there’s something wrong with me and just want me to shut up. it’s happened on many an occasion.
so onto the real point of this, i’m starting a full time job next month, in a cafe in my town that i fucking hate and want to escape. i just need to save up money for a while for when i DO move out. i won’t be able to go out to gigs, bars etc and meet people because work will pretty much take over my life. when i do move out, it probably won’t be until i’m 21 or 22. and i’ll still be a virgin by then.
if you were talking to me with interest, would it bother you if you found out i was a virgin, and that i’d never been in a relationship? what would you think? i know most people prefer to date others who are already experienced, as they’re more mature and know what not to do in a relationship.
and don’t reply with ‘why does it matter what we think?’ please, i’m bisexual so i’d like both male and female opinions.
btw i don’t do hookups/one night stands or friends with benefits. i’d only have sex with someone if i was dating them.
Comments
No. You’re perfectly fine.
No not at all 🫶
If someone has told you it’s a problem then they are a problem, virginity is cool 👌🏼
i lost my virginity at your age. One of my best friends didn’t lose it until she was 22! everyone has their own pace and that’s okay! The right person won’t care, and if they do then they don’t deserve your time or your intimacy.
Take it from someone who lost it at 15. Once you find your person no matter the age it will be worth the wait. Don’t rush just to get it over with or just to know what it’s like. You’ll come to regret it eventually once you find the right person and it’s too late. You’re YOUNG. You haven’t even started living life yet. Enjoy the ride and be safe. Make wise choices so you have no regrets in the future. And yes, Virginity is cool! It makes you unique considering how it is nowadays.
Naaah, there are people who date abusers, I’m not comparing but, there will always be someone for you. Personally, I think a person who really loves you will give a shit, good luck.
No!!!! Also and be careful because there’s people that pride themselves on being like “virgin slayers” it’s so gross and you should seriously save yourself for a sweet wonderful relationship with a trusted partner. It makes it better, sweeter and special.
Would you want to be with somebody for whom that’s an issue?
I had a friend who didn’t lose her virginity until 24 and she’s pretty, popular, outgoing, etc. it’s really just a timing thing, and based on your age I can assume dating was out of the cards for a big chunk of your high school experience due to Covid.
Your virginity doesn’t really need to come up if you’re dating someone. Would be good to mention if you’re planning on having sex with someone though.
There is no “right” time to lose your virginity. It should happen when you feel you are ready and with someone you feel comfortable with. Chances are that your first time will be awkward, which is why you want a partner that will not make you feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. Most importantly, make sure you think about protection as you don’t want your first time to also be when you get pregnant or catch an STD. Good luck.
I regret losing my virginity, you’re doing great 🙂
Also if anyone is “put off” by you being a virgin—it’s because they feel bad they were going to hit it and quit it and they don’t want to do that to you because that’s effed up…so let them gtfo and don’t draw it back to yourself. They just don’t want to be a jerk and like take your virginity because they know they’re not planning to marry you etc and it’s like they’re trying to be moral with themselves. It is NOT about your lack of experience. Guys are serious perverts and you are a commodity in a scary realm of sexual scum. People pay for young brides like you lol it isn’t a downside lol 😂 please god have high self esteem and be VERY selective with you ur boyfriends and make sure he is nice and don’t sleep with anyone you haven’t dated for a month
I lost mine at 24 to the woman i love. I’ve had a few opportunities and never took them and i’m glad i waited for the right one.
My concern is that they may see your virginity as a trophy, so it isn’t something to inform the other person until it becomes serious. But in any case, it may be a preference to some that want an experienced person yet I think it’s cool and beautiful to be able to maintain it, given how sex driven society is now.
Whoever you meet should treat you like the world no matter what, you deserve someone worth of you
Waiting is okay! You’ll feel even worse to lose it to someone that doesn’t value you. Don’t tell people right away so they don’t fetishize it. Don’t listen to people or society that says it’s weird. It’s valued
Girl do not feel rushed to lose your virginity. I have adhd too I didn’t lose mine until I was 18 (now almost 21) and I did to my wonderful bf. I even thought I was late but I’m glad I waited to do it with someone I love and trust. You’ll know when you’re ready and who it will be with. A lot of my peers say they regret the person they lost it too because they felt rushed to do it. This shouldn’t make others lose interest in you because of it. I will say before I met my bf, guys used to be creepy about the fact I was a virgin and say some out of pocket stuff because they thought it was hot I was “innocent and untouched”. Just be careful and take it day by day!
I’m basically the same but male. 20yo -the autism and I’m straight.
I go on dates somewhat often and none of the girls I’ve spoken to seem to care about me being a virgin if they ever ask.
I don’t trust partners that I have known for a short period of time and I have a hard time being with girls that don’t share similar goals/values to myself. My relationships are pretty short as a result. (Usually 2-6 dates)
Me personally, I don’t care if you’re a virgin. I do care if you have like 10+ bodies since research suggests that frequent intimacy can result in difficulty with serious relationships.
Nah
It shouldn’t really bother anyone it you’re a virgin. I also have adhd & autism so it is harder for people to “get us”.
no:) take your time!! i understand the wanting human connection part, but that connection is so much more worth it when its someone you really care about<3 dont rush yourself at all!!
Not in the least bit. Be proud of yourself
Oh god, it’s like I could have written this when I was 18.
I was missing tons of social cues and rambling too much with people, which caused me to get self conscious and focus on myself even more to the point where I would be happy that I said things as I rehearsed instead of noticing social ques and actually communicating/listening to people.
Just keep trying and learning and listening. As long as you’re doing that, most people will see that you mean well and won’t judge you so much for your inexperience.
Im no genius, but my DMs are open if you ever want to talk.
No ! And don’t listen to people what they are saying this is totally up to you and it’s your personal decision when you find the right person you will feel it definitely! 🙂
Why it should be a problem ?
Honestly, most people prefer dating and being in a relationship with people like you. There is nothing at all wrong with waiting for the right person to come along, if anything it’s better that way. You should not compromise yourself for no reason or feel any sense of shame. It doesn’t matter when you lose it, it matters that you find the right person who sweeps you off your feet. You’re focusing on all the right things, be proud.
Yes, let’s fix that
No a gift
Nothing wrong with it! It’s a purely personal decision and doesn’t change who you are even though some might say otherwise. Virginity is a weird made up concept imo
I don’t think that’s a problem, I think they would rather you were a virgin than possibly had an sti. The right person wouldn’t mind but you should tell him when the time comes just to make sure he’s gentle with you. It’s not as big of a deal as people make out.
Nope. Not a problem. There are people who never have sex. Society wants to make people feel badly as much as possible regarding sex.
I actually have a friend who still hasn’t and they are almost 40. Don’t worry about this.
No it’s not a problem you do you be yourself
The entire concept of “virginity” is out dated. People focus way too much much on stupid labels. Just be yourself and do things at your own pace. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
I lost my virginity at 30. I actually wish I’d left it a bit longer! When I lost it I didn’t tell the guy I lost it to until after. He was surprised and wished I told him before as he would of made it ‘a bit more special’ but I just wanted it to be ‘normal’ and not make a deal about it
The ball is completely in your court but you’re fine and it’s your body remember!!!
if you were 40 and a virgin it still wouldn’t be a problem
I want to marry you. You’re a precious gem
No
You will never find a real connection through sexual intercourse; having a soul mate, the connection is always there.
I am a man, with a group which was only dudes, nah you are fine, i lost mine when I was your age as well, half the dudes even later, no one and I mean no man will dislike you for it, and if such dude does exist would you really wanna be with him, a man won’t find your inexperience a problem
Nah, I’d say it’s a very nice bonus
Just turned 30 in my first relationship
Not at all.
As someone who lost my virginity at 17 in a car, please save yourself for someone who actually deserves it. I deeply regret my decision to give my body to someone who just saw me as a thing for pleasure, and not my current boyfriend who I wish I saved myself for. It was all because I didn’t want to be a virgin anymore, but it bothers me to this day. Virginity really is cool, it’s not just some slogan I see on shirts sometimes lol
I’m about to be 23 and I’m still a virgin, mostly because I’ve not really gone out of my way to get into a relationship because I’m battling pretty low self esteem right now and I’m demisexual, I keep thinking negatively about it, that if and when I do meet someone I truly connect with and start a relationship with that they’ll be put off by my lack of experience, I know when and if it comes to my first time I’ll be super awkward and unsure, however the right person will not be put off by this, even people with experience have awkward moments and when you meet the right partner they will work with you to help you two find what you’re comfortable with, sex is not whats going to keep a relationship going strong for years
its not a problem, its a green flag. Be proud of your virginity
I think you waiting whether intentional or not is awesome. It’s so normalized these days to give yourself and be come a sexualized object to just about anyone. So many people bash virgins but I believe to wait that long means they are grounded in who they are and have a high self worth. If I could go back and redo my life I woulda never went down the hooking up culture that is so normalized. I did cause I was looking for love in places and in people that could not give me what I wanted which led to hurt and low self esteem, soul ties that had to be broken and just unnecessary pain. If someone makes fun of or rejects you due to you being a virgin, they are either insecure or completely off the walls and obviously not for you. While it’s ultimately your choice when and with who, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it before you meet your match because after waiting this long I would hate for you to lose it to someone that never truly cared
Js wait till marriage
It’s fine.
NoPe
It’s not a problem as long as you’re willing to have sex; if you’re waiting for marriage that would be a problem.
Consider yourself lucky and proud. Not a lot of girls can say they are your age and they are still a virgin. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you are still so young. Don’t rush into growing up and save yourself for a man who loves and respects you. Only someone who’s really shallow would think you being a virgin is a problem.
No, its super cool. It’s very unique and special. Don’t do anything to fit in with anyone. It’s something life changing, and it should be with a special person. To each their own but if I could go back in time id wait and save it for my special person. But it’s all personal my friend. Best of luck.
Who tbe fuck said its a prob ? Stay away from them..theyre the prob…
Its a pretty easy problem to solve if that’s how you feel.
Absolutely not, you shouldn’t ever feel pressured to have have sex. And if someone is worried about you being a virgin they should focus on on themselves.
Your body count and/or virginity should never be an issue in a relationship, and if someone cares so deeply about it then walk away.
In today’s age, I’m sure we’ve all seen the comments about guys saying “I have a body count of 10, but my gf can’t have more than 3.” I don’t think that this type of behavior is ok, but it does show that some guys do prefer their partner to have little/no experience. I would never date a guy who says that, because it’s extremely hypocritical.
REGARDLESS, Plenty of people lose their virginity “late.” Nowadays, the age most people lose it is at under 16. IMO that’s WAY too young. I lost mine at 16 (now 26) and I regret it. I wish I had done it with someone that cared about me more – that I felt a really strong bond with. I was craving touch at that age, and I decided to just say screw it. Don’t do that.
Wait until there’s someone that you’ll be comfortable with – it’s scary for the first time. And if the partner is a good person, they’ll be patient and help with your first time. It can be a really intimate bonding experience. You should definitely bring it up beforehand (as you mentioned in a comment above), but if someone is really that turned off by it?? Then why waste your time on them.
Tbh I am 27 still virgin ngl
No