This is horribly cringey to write but I would appreciate any advice or insight.
I’m 21F and I’ve never really kissed anyone. I’ve had opportunities over the years to kiss several people but I’ve always backed out because I felt too nervous about inexperience. The last time I was properly talking to someone she tried to kiss me multiple times and I just awkwardly avoided it. I eventually told her that I had never kissed anyone and she was cool with it but when she tried to kiss me again I basically gave her one second of lip contact and pulled away. Suffice to say that was not the most incredible performance of my lifetime.
I’m recently talking to this girl, 22F, and she’s really cool. I’m worried she’s going to try and kiss me and it’s going to be a repeat of the last time. I feel as though I need to tell people before I kiss them (because they’ll definitely be able to tell) but the thought of her going to tell her friends that I’ve never kissed anyone also makes me really anxious. I really just don’t want to seem lame in front of her but it seems sort of inevitable at this point. Does anyone have any advice on this? Realistically, I just have to grow up and tell her this and not avoid it like I have every single time before but all of this just makes me incredibly anxious. So yeah any advice appreciated.
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Well this is adorable and low stakes.
Just communicate, babes. Seriously, it solves or mitigates 90% of the most common relationship problems and it will very easily solve this one. As someone with massive social anxiety I get why this scares you but I promise it’ll be okay.
Treat her like the person you would want to teach you.
Imagine someone you trusted offered to teach you all of this. What would you tell them? What questions would you ask?
Your goal here is finding someone you are comfortable enough to be honest with.
So take that view point and be honest.
I get it.
Realistically, though, suppose she does tell her friends. That would be at least as awkward as the kissing. “Hey, guys, so and so hasn’t kissed yet.”
Reaction’s probably something like: “Soooo? Why are you telling us this?”
There is no good answer. Telling on you makes her look really mean to practically everyone.
Communication is key. It is up to you to discuss things before, during, after, of never.
I don’t think you can say you never kissed anyone, because you’re telling us that you did. Even though it was only lip contact for a second.
It definitely makes sense to tell them you are inexperienced so that they know. But as you said yourself: they may be able to tell. For me, that just sounds like a another great option for them to discover that.
Practically, I think you will be able to bring up the topic naturally. Why not start by asking what she enjoys about kissing? That will either start a discussion about kissing where you can mention your own experience level, or she will propose a practical demonstration. If she proposes that, that’s also a good moment to tell about your experience level.
Whatever approach you take: You got this.
everyone started out never being kissed, girl, nobody decent will trip, and if they actually resort to genuinely making fun of u for it then they’re not great people to begin with and ur better off without them. But kissing is a very in-the-moment, just go with how u feel type of thing, it doesn’t have to be super skilled or perfect lol