I’m a 21-year-old guy, and there’s this girl at my university (she looks around the same age, maybe 20F). We’ve never spoken, but for more than a year, we’ve exchanged intense eye contact—frequently and for long stretches (5–7 seconds). It started happening so often that I genuinely felt like we were both looking for each other on campus.
Her stares felt intentional, not random. That gave me enough courage to follow her on Instagram. She never accepted the request, so I pulled away and stopped looking at her altogether. But later, I saw her looking at me again—and it all came back. The eye contact resumed.
I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn’t. After not getting accepted on Instagram, I felt like maybe she wasn’t interested… or maybe she was shy… or maybe I imagined the whole thing. But even my friend, who knew nothing about this, once asked why she kept staring at me—so it wasn’t just in my head.
I tried moving on, but I couldn’t. I even checked her TikTok through a friend’s account and saw her repost content referencing the first letter of my name. That made it harder to let go.
Eventually, I sent her a message on Instagram—not to get anything, but just to clear my head. I said something like:
“Hey, I know this might be weird, but I just wanted to clear the air. We’ve exchanged some moments—eye contact—that felt intentional. I followed you once, but didn’t hear back, so I assumed I was wrong. But it kept happening, so I had to ask—did I imagine it? I’ve tried from my side, and I just wanted closure. Even if nothing comes from this, I just wanted to be honest.”
She didn’t reply. I don’t even know if she saw it. I tried to forget again.
Then I got a TikTok notification that she posted something new—even though I wasn’t following her. Out of curiosity, I checked, and later saw she had visited my profile. Then she posted another video—I liked it. Since then, we’ve seen each other on campus again and exchanged a few glances—but still, no talking.
Today, something small shook me. I was getting water at the café and saw a female friend I know. I said hi to her, and right next to her—by chance—was her. When she saw me talking to the other girl, she quickly turned away. I grabbed my water and left, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Was that jealousy? Discomfort? Or nothing?
I don’t normally freeze like this. I talk to people easily, including girls. But with her, I can’t. My brain just stops. And no matter how much time passes, I keep thinking about her. I don’t want to message her again. I don’t want to randomly approach her and make her uncomfortable either. But this “connection” (if it even exists) won’t let go.
What should I do? Let go for good? Hope for another chance to talk naturally? Or is it just a one-sided fantasy I need to accept?
TL;DR. 20M and 20F at university have exchanged intense eye contact for over a year but never spoke. I messaged her once with no reply. Tried to move on, but small things keep pulling me back. I can’t stop thinking about her. Should I approach her or let it go forever?
Comments
Read this post but pretend this is one of your bros. How far in do you get before you slap him on the side of the head and tell him to just talk to her already.
Like my god, I get she makes you anxious but the two of you being so outrageously passive about this is torture. You added her on IG, something that can easily get buried, and then you DMed her which went straight to that folder where people you don’t follow messaging you goes to never be seen. And even if she did see it she has also demonstrated she is too shy to do anything about it anyway.
You’ve spent an entire year staring at each other. Going up to her at this point isn’t random. If nothing else you can just clear the air and get your answer too and from there you can at least date or move on. Don’t waste another year agonising like this.