A few months ago, while I was still in a relationship with my girlfriend (21F), I made a mistake that I regret every single day. I started talking to another girl (around 20F) on Instagram. We messaged for almost a month. It never turned physical, but emotionally… I crossed a line I never should’ve.
When my girlfriend found out I followed that girl, she confronted me. I panicked. I lied and told her I had just followed her and nothing more. I was too ashamed and afraid to admit the full truth — that I had actually been talking to her. She broke up with me that day.
It’s been around 4–5 months since then. In that time, I’ve had to face who I was and what I did. I’ve changed a lot — I’ve cut that girl off completely, deleted the chat from my side, and committed to becoming someone worthy of trust and love. My ex has now given me a final chance: a two-week trial to prove I’ve truly changed. She made it clear — if I break her heart again, even slightly, she’s gone for good.
The truth is, I’ve never loved anyone like I love her. She means the world to me. I’m doing everything I can to show her how serious I am. But I’m scared. That girl I used to talk to still has the messages. And what makes it worse is… they know each other. They studied together once. I’m terrified that she might one day show the messages to my girlfriend — out of jealousy, spite, or just because she can. And if that happens, I know it’ll all be over.
I carry so much guilt. Not just for talking to that girl, but for lying to the one person who truly loved me. I hate who I was in that moment. I want to believe that people can grow, that we’re more than the worst things we’ve done. But I can’t stop this anxiety, this fear that my past will destroy any chance I have for a future with her.
Please, if anyone has been in a similar situation or has advice, I really need help. Can anyone help me please? I’d really appreciate that.
TL;DR: I emotionally cheated while I was in a relationship. Lied about it when confronted. My girlfriend broke up with me but recently gave me a 2-week chance to prove I’ve changed. I have — but I’m scared the girl I talked to might expose the old messages and ruin everything.
Comments
Tell her the truth. If you actually love her, you wouldn’t continue to hide this.
Tbh it sounds like you do have more reflecting and maturing to do.
I also don’t understand how she broke up with you for just thinking you’re following someone???? Without knowing the whole story.
If I were you I’d just come clean with it and hope for the best. Things work out however they’re meant to, and this may not be the relationship you end up in, and that’s okay.
In all honesty, it’s probably best for you to move on. You messed up considerably and things will never be the way they once were. Now she’s giving you a “trial” and you’ll forever be walking on egg shells in this relationship with her. That’s not a fun, loving, happy relationship at all.
Take the L and learn from the experience and hopefully you actually have become a better person but you’ll be better off being that better person to someone you haven’t hurt the way you have.
That being said I’m a little confused as well. If your gf broke up with you, I assume it’s cause she didn’t believe you about the messages. So then if she already believes you messaged this other woman, then why does it mater if the other woman sends her the messages one day? If she broke up with you purely for following this other person, then I’d break up. Actually I’d break up since she was clearly monitoring your follows as well, that’s annoying behavior.
Damn. At what point do you think she deserves the truth? All of this was about your shame, your embarrassment, your love, what you want.
A month was a choice. Once is a choice. When did you think, “this could really hurt the one I love”. After you were confronted and dumped?
You should be completely honest, and allow her to exercise her right to make an informed decision on how she wants to proceed in this relationship. If that involves leaving you, you need to step away and work on seeing the world outside of your own desires.
Don’t tell her the truth, forget about it and move on and try to have a positive relationship lol
She already knows what you did. Just don’t do it again if you want to stay with her and you’ll be fine. You’re thinking too much.
I find it a bit weird that someone would break up a relationship based on following someone else on Instagram but people can break up for whatever reason they want and maybe I’m just getting old …or maybe there’s something more you aren’t telling us? She said you broke her heart – an Instagram follow hardly warrants that kind of reaction.
You know full well she wouldn’t be giving you another chance if she knew you were actually having an emotional affair for a month. You should do the honourable thing and break up with her if you don’t have the stomach to fess up because you’re being selfish.
Talking to a girl for an entire month isn’t a mistake. I hope she finds someone who will treat her with respect