Hey Reddit, I’m a 22 year old female – about to be 23 in 2 weeks. My sister is 21. I feel like our relationship has been rocky since we both were away at college. I experimented with weed (don’t use anymore), and she doesn’t drink or do drugs. That caused a bit of a disconnect in our relationship. Also, when we were growing up, she was always quick to anger- something that she got from our dad. She has never seen herself as someone quick to get angry and is defensive if you point that out to her. I feel like all of this plus her selfish tendencies has caused a divide in our relationship. For example, if I ask to borrow her nail polish, take a sip of her water, ask to borrow an item of clothing she immediately shuts me down. It feels like I often will do things for her like drive 1.5 halfway to her college to give her 2 items she left behind. It often feels like a personal attack when she cannot share something so small. I know I can’t change her, but I thought maybe she’d mature and grow out of this? Idk I’m just frustrated by our relationship. It’s been off for a while and I don’t know what to do. I feel like our relationship is better when we don’t live together and haven’t seen each other in a while. Ugh. Help
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> if I ask to borrow her nail polish, take a sip of her water, ask to borrow an item of clothing she immediately shuts me down. It feels like I often will do things for her like drive 1.5 halfway to her college to give her 2 items she left behind. It often feels like a personal attack when she cannot share something so small.
You don’t have to drive hours to get her stuff to her. She left it, she can be without it.
https://captainawkward.com/2019/03/04/1182-1183-1184-do-i-have-to-be-friends-with-my-sibling-or-advice-for-relationships-you-dont-want-to-lose-but-dont-want-to-work-at/
She’s showing you who she is… not generous, not self-aware, and not ready to meet you halfway. You can’t force maturity on her.
Best move is lowering your expectations. Stop over-giving and then being crushed when she won’t match it. Treat her like she treats you: polite, cordial, but with boundaries.
Ask yourself: do you want to keep chasing closeness with someone who isn’t capable of it yet, or would it feel better to accept the distance and protect your peace?