[22F] and [25M] — After moving in, he became controlling, mocking, and physically aggressive. I’m feeling unsafe and emotionally drained. What are my options?

TLDR; My boyfriend 25M started to control and criticize 22F me excessively after we moved in together, and recently he physically abused me. I no longer feel safe emotionally or physically. I need advice on how to protect myself and make a safe plan to leave.

I’m a 22F journalist and my boyfriend is 25M, a life coach. We’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and have lived together for the past year.

I have ADHD, which deeply affects my concentration and executive functioning. I’m also on medication. He has anxiety and OCD. At the beginning of our relationship, things felt balanced and supportive. But after moving in together, his behavior shifted drastically.

He started to control everything: how I clean, how I organize things, even how I speak or dress. He criticizes small things constantly and wants everything to be done his way. I no longer feel like an equal partner — I feel like a child being scolded. He often tells me I’m “acting childish” and uses that to justify being dismissive or cold.

I was honest with him from the start about my mental health. He said he accepted it. But now he throws it back at me in arguments. There’s no sense of respect anymore. He talks down to me, acts like a father figure, and tries to control me socially — especially when I go out with him. He gets irritated and says it’s “hard to deal with me in public.”

He prefers spending time with his friends and avoids being around me. Our physical relationship has also deteriorated. We haven’t been sexually intimate for over two weeks, and when I asked about it, he told me:

“I don’t want to touch you because of your obsessions and your childish behavior. You make me dislike you.”
This deeply hurt me — it made me feel undesirable and ashamed of my condition. I’ve started feeling uncomfortable in my own body around him.

One of the worst moments recently was when he killed a cockroach and left it on the floor. I asked him nicely to throw it away (he has done this before), but he laughed at me and said I was being dramatic. When I said, “I’m not your servant,” he began mocking me more. I got angry and pushed him away — nothing serious, just trying to create space.

But then he stood up, said, “I have male pride,” walked up to me, and hit me in the head and kicked me. I froze. Afterward, he blamed me, saying I provoked him, and that my “obsessions” and “behavior” pushed him to act that way.

Since then, I’ve felt physically unsafe in our home. I’m confused, ashamed, and scared. I no longer feel emotionally supported or even respected as a person. I feel like I’ve lost my voice — like I have to constantly shrink myself just to keep peace.

TLDR; My boyfriend 25M started to control and criticize 22F me excessively after we moved in together, and recently he physically abused me. I no longer feel safe emotionally or physically. I need advice on how to protect myself and make a safe plan to leave.

What I’m asking is: how can I protect myself emotionally, mentally, and physically while I figure out what to do next?

Any advice, guidance, or support would mean a lot. Thank you.