About 2 months ago, I asked my boyfriend if he would be comfortable with me going on a trip. He said yes at the time, so I went ahead and booked it (it’s just a 3 day trip to a big city, 2hr flight, with my best friend 22F).
I never told him I booked it until 2 weeks after that, and he started saying he didn’t realize I actually went through with it, and wasn’t sure if he felt comfortable with me going. It came up again in conversation 1 week after that, and he said he thought about it and really prefers me not to go. His reasonings for that were because of his concern of safety for me, him not liking my friend I’m going with due to her being single and trying to influence/break up our relationship in the past (he thinks that she tries to get into my head about leaving him, which she does and has in the past) and just the fact that I will be basically alone in a big city for a few days.
I kind of understood why he was uncomfortable and I know if I didn’t feel comfortable with something he was doing, that he wouldn’t go, as situations happened in the past like that. But at the same time I feel bad for cancelling on my friend. He said one of his boundaries is he believes if one of us has a reasonable feeling for not wanting the other person to do something, then it should be respected and just move on afterwards. He doesn’t normally tell me what to do, and it’s always up to me, but for this he has a strong feeing about.
I’m not sure what to do here, I’m leaning more on his side due to our strong relationship, we’ve been together for 3 years, and wanting to respect his comfort levels as it’s just a 3 day short trip that won’t make or break my life anyways. How do I tell my friend this though and do you think she will take it the wrong way?
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I was ready to come in here and tell you to dump that controlling man but now I’m wondering. Why are you friends with someone who’s trying to undermine your relationship?
Normally I would tell you to go travel and let your man pound sand but.. I don’t think I would want my partner going anywhere with someone that has been actively trying to sabotage our relationship.
He’s not stopping you. You’re stopping you. He’s merely telling you what to do, which you’re not obliged to, nor does he have the right to.
He’s allowed to be uncomfortable and unhappy with your decisions. That doesn’t mean you have to bend to every will of another person. It also doesn’t mean you’re right in every decision you make. How you both deal with it is your problem.
If that means you walk away from this excuse for a relationship, which seems appropriate if he’s unwilling to accept that you have the right to do things for yourself, then so be it.
But stop with this BS “blah is ‘making’ me” style narrative. You’re both adults… Well, supposedly.