I (23M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (22F) for nearly three years. She’s one of the most loving, supportive people I’ve ever had in my life. Through academic burnout, mental health issues, and intense self-doubt, she’s always been there—patient, present, and constantly giving.
But I’ve been feeling emotionally conflicted for a while now.
Some days I feel deeply connected to her, but other days I feel overwhelmed, emotionally shut down, or unsure about the future. Earlier in our relationship, I used to like other girls’ photos online—not to be disrespectful, but because I didn’t know it would hurt her. She never told me it bothered her until it had built up over time, and now she struggles a lot with insecurity.
She calls or texts constantly, often asks if I love her or if I think other girls are pretty. I’ve asked for space, especially while I study and deal with personal things, but it still feels like I’m always “on.” It’s created a cycle of emotional highs and lows—affection, followed by conflict, then reconciliation, and repeat.
I’m also dealing with personal struggles—depression, porn addiction, and shame. I feel like I’ve lost touch with who I am. At the same time, her mom doesn’t approve of me (I’m Filipino), which adds another layer of stress. None of this is about cheating or betrayal—there’s just this persistent emotional weight.
Some days I miss her deeply. Other days I question if I’m only holding on out of fear of being alone or guilt about letting her down.
I’m not asking whether I should stay or leave—I know that’s a decision only I can make.
What I’m asking is this:
If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship that became emotionally draining or confusing—especially when both people still care—what helped you find clarity?
How did you figure out whether it was time to grow together, take space, or go separate ways?
TL;DR:
I (23M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for 3 years. She’s incredibly loving and supportive, but the relationship has become emotionally exhausting due to recurring insecurity, constant reassurance needs, and cultural stress from her family. I’m dealing with depression, addiction, and feeling lost. I’m unsure whether I’m falling out of love or just overwhelmed. Looking for advice from people who’ve been in long-term, emotionally complicated relationships—what helped you figure out what to do next?