Hi all, just looking for some outside advice.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. He’s 26, I’m 24. Our relationship is honestly amazing — he’s so thoughtful and affectionate, always hugging me, kissing me, touching my hair, surprising me with dates, doing things for me. I’ve never felt this loved before.
Sex in the beginning was pretty frequent and it was amazing, even though we had to talk through what we liked. Then it dropped off a lot — for a couple months it basically didn’t happen. He explained that therapy has been bringing stuff up for him that makes intimacy harder because of how much he loves me, and that it was easier for him before his feelings got so deep. I didn’t get it at first, but now I kind of do.
These days, we sometimes go 3–4 weeks without sex even though we sleep over a lot. When it happens, it’s still good, but it feels awkward because it isn’t consistent. I start feeling insecure, like I’m unwanted, and that messes with my confidence. If I bring it up, he gets frustrated (at himself) because he knows it’s not fair to me.
I love him and I don’t want to pressure him, but sometimes I get really down about it. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you deal with the insecurity without ruining an otherwise amazing relationship?
TL;DR: (24F) with (26M) for a year. Relationship is amazing and loving, but we rarely have sex (sometimes 3–4 weeks without). He’s in therapy and working through things, but I feel insecure and unwanted. How do I cope with this?
Comments
Its good that he doesnt dismiss ur feelings but considers it and feels sorry for u about not having much sexual intercourses. Does his ongoing therapy have an effect on his sex drive? anything relevant? if not then maybe whenever u guys have a sleepover, try to watch a very romantic movie which would turn both of you on but him especially (any movie like 365 days maybe), lie down in bed with an intense fragrance on ur neck, try cracking dirty jokes, and just try to be more intimate and get in the mood so he gets turned on. I dont think he would hold back if hes seduced and u are too? it would also help him distract himself from any problems which he may be going through, maybe related to the therapy as well (if its for his mental condition).
ps. thats my perspective and advice as a virgin lol
Its best if u tell him about this. It is his responsibility to satisfy ur need as do.