24F(me) with 25M boyfriend of 1 month – emotional distance, dishonesty, and intimacy concerns after a fast start to the relationship?

Hello, beautiful people.

I’m a 24F living in Germany, originally from a different country. 2 month ago, I traveled for training to a city 7 hours away and decided to open Hinge. That’s where I matched with my current boyfriend, 25M.

At first, he told me that since we live far apart, it wouldn’t work out. I accepted that, but he still took my Instagram to “keep in touch.” We started messaging occasionally. He would check in from time to time to ask how I was doing, and there was a kind of slow-building connection.

Then, he went to visit a country that is politically and historically hostile to mine – a sensitive subject where I’m from. I jokingly told him, “Bring me back wine.” We had also planned that I would visit his city first. But instead, he came back to Germany with the wine and asked to visit me in my city.

On our first date, everything felt magical. We had a picnic, cuddled, had sex (which was protected, although at some points he tried to enter me without a condom – I had to stop him and insist), and talked a lot. The chemistry felt really strong. Before going back home, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.

The next day, I left for a three-week trip abroad. Before our first date, we had done video calls and voice calls, but during those three weeks, things changed. He didn’t ask me how my trip was going, didn’t ask to video call – nothing beyond dry “good morning/good night” texts and sending memes. It felt like the bare minimum to keep a connection.

At one point, I told him that I cried. He replied, “Oh baby what happened?” I told him, “I can’t talk right now, I’ll tell you once I feel okay.” And then he responded with,

“Okay, then take care 😇”

That felt really cold. Like, not how a boyfriend should respond when you’re not okay.

When I came back from the trip, I went to visit him in his city and stayed with him. We had only unprotected sex that time – unlike the first visit, where I insisted on condoms. This time, he didn’t even prepare me – sometimes he would just enter me without any warmup, and it hurt. I didn’t feel emotionally or physically considered.

Before any of that, after our first unprotected sex in my city, I asked him to get tested for STIs. He said okay, He claimed did do the testing but he was “too busy” the whole week to get the answers. I told him how anxious that made me. He admitted I was right, but still didn’t take action. I felt really dismissed.

Also, before we had sex again, I was upset with him and acting cold. He asked me why, and I told him. He said,

“You can’t throw me out. We’re in a relationship.”
He told me he missed me, liked me, and even said he loved me. Then he asked me if I loved him back. I said no, but that I liked him. He said,
“Our conception of love is different.”

That whole conversation felt manipulative. I was hurt and unsure, and instead of real communication, he gave vague romantic lines and pressure.

and he was like – I don’t like how you are traveling all the time, we need to build memories, we are together.

During that weekend, we didn’t really go out or spend meaningful time together. We watched a documentary, ate McDonald’s, and had sex. That was it. It didn’t feel like he cared about spending actual quality time with me. I started to feel more like an object than a partner.

At one point, while we were watching The Tinder Swindler, there was a scene where the woman says the man changed his Tinder profile even while saying “I miss you.” That scene hit me hard – because I had noticed he was still using Hinge during the three weeks we were apart. I could tell because he kept changing things on his profile, like adding and removing his zodiac sign (“Pisces”). That’s not something you can do if the account is deactivated.

So I asked him directly: “Do you also check my Hinge profile?”
He paused for about a minute (his head was on my legs and he was facing the TV), then finally said:

“I deactivated my account the day we met.”
I knew it was a lie. But I didn’t say anything. I just said, “Ah okay.”

There were other smaller things that still bug me:
• Once, during my trip, he messaged me saying he was reading a book on a train. I asked, “Which book?” and he just replied, “The book I’m reading.” That felt rude and distant. He never apologized.
• Yesterday, we were walking, and he bought a bottle of water for himself. He asked me if I wanted something – I said no. On the way back, I said, “Actually, I’m thirsty.” He pointed at a market and said, “This time you’re paying.” Then he also picked a drink for himself – which I paid for. That felt okayish compared to others but there was shift in the mood, he was acting like I am a princess before.
• The day before he met me, he posted a Close Friends Instagram story about women from the country that’s hostile to mine, with a heart-eyes emoji. His best friends are also from that country. I honestly don’t care about nationality – I’ve never had a problem with people from there. But I’m sharing this because I know that some men can be cruel or revengeful, and I worry that it was a joke or dare among his friends, like, “Go sleep with that girl from X country.” He told me his friends don’t know where I’m from – just that he has a girlfriend. But I don’t believe him. It feels like another lie.

All of this has left me wondering: why am I still in this? Why do I keep waiting to see what he’ll do – especially for my birthday? He claims, he will come to visit me for my birthday. A part of me thinks I want some kind of revenge or proof that he cares and then I can cut him off. But I know deep down that he’s not emotionally mature, and that he manipulates my words until I end up looking like the “crazy” one.

I was so kind to him. I gave him nothing but care and trust. And now I just feel confused, used, and a little broken. I don’t understand how someone can be this inconsistent, careless, or emotionally disconnected.