I’ve been talking to someone online for several months, and we built a really close bond. We’d talk every day, share personal things, and it felt like we understood each other deeply. She even did thoughtful things for me that showed she cared.
But about a month ago, things changed. Her replies slowed down a lot. At first, I thought it was just because she was busy, but she would often see my messages and not reply, which hurt. At first I ignored it, but when it kept happening, I asked if something was wrong. She said everything was fine. Later, when it continued, I asked again, and she said she was busy and not to disturb her. I stepped back, but after a few days she talked to me normally again, so I thought things were okay.
Then one day I tried to call her (for something urgent work-related) and she blocked me, telling me not to call again. I was shocked. I tried reaching out, but she didn’t respond.
A few days later, I wasn’t in good shape and asked her to call. She did, and on that call she was very honest. She said I was being attached and entitled, always asking for explanations, and that it wasn’t healthy. She said she’s not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, and that I wasn’t respecting her space. She even said the only way we should communicate for now is through one channel (not the usual ways we used before).
I didn’t handle that call well. I had a panic attack earlier in the day, and when she called, I tried to “fix things” instead of just listening. I asked too many questions, and it came out wrong. She told me this isn’t the first time she’s asked me to stop overthinking, and that I keep slipping back into the same patterns. She also said I was hurting my own self respect.
She’s right. I get very anxious when I feel like I might lose someone I care about, and I end up clinging harder which only pushes them away. I told her I’d change, but I know it can’t just be words.
Right now, I feel stuck. On one hand, I want to give her the space she asked for and focus on myself. On the other hand, my mind keeps spinning with questions: does she actually want me out of her life, or is she hoping I’ll really change? Is this temporary distance, or the beginning of the end?
What I do know is I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes, with her or anyone else. I need to figure out how to handle my anxiety and not tie my worth to constant reassurance.
So my question is:
How do I start working on myself so I stop being this anxious, over-attached person in relationships? And should I completely leave her alone until she reaches out, or check in at some point?
Tl;dr : Built a strong bond with someone online, but lately she grew distant, blocked me after I kept pushing for answers, and told me on a call that I’m too anxious/attached and not respecting her space. I realize she’s right. I want to change, but I’m torn between giving her full space vs checking in. How do I actually work on myself and stop being so over-attached in relationships?