So my boyfriend just moved out of his parent’s house and into a new apartment. I spent the day helping him move things with his friends and hanging out. In the evening we find out that his parents will be coming over the next day to help move things.
Long story short his parents don’t want anyone spending the night at his apartment. While he doesn’t actually care and will let me spend the night anyways, they just can’t find out that it’s happening.
Eventually everyone goes home late and we have to give a friend a ride to the train station which is like an hour round trip. We get back at 2 am and work on building his bed and we don’t finish it till 4:30 am. As we’re getting ready to go to bed around a little after 5 am he lets me know that I’ll have to leave by 10 am before his parents show up.
I’m not used to operating on that little sleep and told him the next morning that I was worried to drive. I tried napping in my car but I didn’t want to waste gas on AC and it was really hot. Eventually I decided to just drive and I did make it back home safe.
I tried to communicate that this made me a little agitated that I had to put myself in an unsafe situation just to make his parents happy. He didn’t really seem to listen or understand.
My question is: How can I better communicate that this is something that made me uncomfortable?? I’m not sure if I’m even justified for being upset.
Maybe I should’ve done some things differently like say that we should assemble his bed first or tell his friends to leave early because we need to be up early. But I feel like things could’ve been handled better on both ends.
To be honest we were both really excited to be able to spend the night together I think we should’ve just pulled back and said realistically it can’t happen right now.
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If he’s 25, why is he allowing his parents to control him like this? Does he support himself, or are they supporting him?
If the parents are paying for the apartment then you have to do what you have to do.
At that age I do find that kind of ridiculous since I’ve been paying rent since I was 18. I would not sacrifice my privacy and freedom.
If the parents are not paying for the apartment it’s none of their business. And if he doesn’t see it that way, you need to run because he will do nothing but continue to take their side while they disrespect you and make rules for him. Why did he move out if he still has a curfew? 🤣 He’s an adult. Sounds like he would have the same life if he stayed at home.
Unless you enjoy having his parents have this much control over your life, this is not the guy for you.
Just dump him already. He’s 24 years old acting like a child.
If he was smarter or more considerate, he would have told you the moment after the call ended with his parents. I’m prepared to believe that he made an honest mistake because he’s been controlled by them for a long time and this happened on short notice.
I also think he’ll need to confront his parents eventually to have a healthy adult relationship, but I understand not being ready today.
Is telling him that you should have known last night so you could make your own decisions about where you’d sleep a step forward? If you want to break up you can do that. Most men are not this controlled at his age.
You are better off looking for another boyfriend. His parents will be controlling his life even when he’s a married man hell they are probably counting on him to be their retirement plan him and his wife taking care of them.
Break up.
He could have let you sleep there, and just tell his parents you came over before they got there.
He’s literally happier putting your safety at risk than telling his parents he’s an adult now… Big red flag !
He’s 24 and still letting his parents control his life. This doesn’t bode well for a future with him.
Can you imagine how much control his parents will have over his future children? They may get to name them, mom be in the delivery room, etc.
Do you really want to date a man that can’t stand up to his parents at 25?
Updateme
Why are you with a guy who lets his parents control him like that?