As the title says, my 25 year old sister keeps posting very risqué pictures on social media. My sister was born with “intellectual disabilities” which I’m putting in quotes because her condition doesn’t have a name necessarily. She has a very low IQ and certain concepts are hard for her to grasp (time, money). However, she is capable of living alone and working jobs. She graduated college however she was in special classes and our dad helped her with almost 100% of her schoolwork and exams (bought the books, took tests with her, etc). There is probably a 50% chance that if you were meeting her for the first time, you would know she has mental disabilities.
She has been posing semi nude for a photographer and then posts the images on social media. This photographer seems legit but he is also an old man. She swears she isn’t being taken advantage of and that these pictures make her feel confident.
I’ve tried talking to her about posting with more clothes on but it goes in one ear and out the other. While this particular photographer may not be taking advantage of her I’m worried that someone down the line will. I recognize she’s a legal adult but I wonder with her mental disabilities, can she really consent?
What would you do in this situation?
Comments
Depends on how severe her mental disabilities are, if she’s still allowed to drive a car then she’s fully capable of making these decisions
she might take it more seriously if it comes from your parents.
she’s an adult, and she’s capable of working among other things, but she may not fully grasp the gravity of the situation. i suggest your parents talk about digital footprints, that nice people aren’t always good people, and that people could do bad things with her photos.
It sounds like she’s capable of making these decisions, but understand your instinct to be looking out for her. I would just talk to her about it and make sure she knows that if this guy ever says or does anything strange to make her uncomfortable she should switch to a female photographer.
also, can you talk to the photographer?
If her IQ is high enough that she can, even with supports, graduate college, live alone, and hold down a job, she can make this decision for herself. She’s an adult. Unless she’s under legal guardianship, she has freedom and rights to make these choices. Maybe talk to or research the photographer more yourself, to help soothe your fears and so that he sees that she has family involved and keeping an eye on things? Your parents may be able to talk to her as well, or perhaps another friend or family member she’s close to; sometimes people just roll their eyes at their parents and siblings concerns, so maybe hearing it from someone else will help so that she’s at least hearing the concerns, even if she chooses to continue doing this.
It’s a hard balancing act of not infantilizing adults with disabilities while also recognizing that some disabilities require help and support. Don’t keep pestering her or hammering it in; it’ll only annoy her and push her away. Just let her know that now that you’ve spoken your piece, you’re here for her no matter what. Remember, you want her to feel like she can come to you if she needs to, and she may not do that if she feels like she’s made you angry or that she’ll just hear “I told you so.”
Like others have said, it seems like she has the capacity to make these decisions for herself.
Good on you for trying to protect your sibling, and you should still continue to look out for her and point out any red flags as they come along, but at the end of the day, she’s an adult who seems capable of making adult decisions.
You should offer to go with her to the photo shoots and make sure she isn’t being taken advantage of. Otherwise she can post and do as she pleases.
If she is fully aware of the consequences and isn’t being abused or manipulated into giving money or sexual favors or something, this seems kind of gross on the old man’s side, but otherwise fine for your sister to engage in. She is a fully legal adult who seems to be able to take care of herself.
If the old guy IS taking advantage of her somehow, that could be illegal and you should try to watch out for that.
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Unless someone has conservatorship over her… then there’s really nothing you can legally do to stop her from doing what she wants. Keep being a good sister and advising her the best you can, but if you are really that concerned for her potential safety in the future, talk to your parents and an attorney about getting a conservatorship. If she can take care of herself, she can make her own decisions as an adult. If not though, then you’ll have to take legal action.
Or she’s under legal guardianship or she isn’t. As per your post, it seems that she can take 100% decisions for herself.
If you think otherwise, you need to take this to court and a Judge needs to give you (or someone else) legal guardianship. Until that happens, there is nothing you can do except just talking to her.
The photographer is def banging her. that’s usually how payment is made.
You might think you sister isn’t very intelligent, but she’s still an adult with autonomy. You should hesitate to refer to your sister as mentally disabled in the absence of a diagnosis. And plenty of women (including extremely intelligent women, and women who have much greater mental and emotional limitations than your sister) pose nude and semi-nude, post the photos, and face no adverse consequences. You have raised your concerns, and she has heard them. As an adult with no diagnosed mental disabilities, she is able to consent to taking these photos.
Maybe you’re not educated about the issues of people with mental disabilities, but there is a lot of material written about who can and cannot consent to various actions. Generally, the assumption is that people who have mental limitations and even disabilities *can* consent to sexual acts, unless there is direct evidence that they are being to coerced, do not understand what they are doing, or are not capable of making decisions for themselves (which usually requires a specialized doctor to determine). None of those seem to apply to your sister, because she is capable of living on her own (makes decisions for herself in the day to day) and understands that she is posing nude (she even said she felt empowered by it). The assumption is (as it should be) that with support, all people are capable of exercising bodily autonomy.
You are supporting your sister by reiterating some of the risks she faces, and by paying attention to the power dynamics present in her life. The fact that she isn’t inclined to take your advice is not within your control. Seeking to limit her bodily autonomy is not an appropriate role for you as her sister.
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Some have to live to learn. It’s going to be hard if it blows up in her face, but she is an adult.
As uncomfortable as it may be, the best thing to do may be to go to the shoot with her, and to ask her to see all of her contracts and agreements.
This seems pretty clearly to be her choice. So to help her understand how to model safely and with stability she may need direct help rather than judgment.
Report each photo as it gets posted.
Love her, support her and encourage her to do the things that make her happy.
How about you?
$0.02
Drop the link, don’t be stingy. We’ll let you know if they’re good or not.