I (25F) asked my boyfriend (27M) to send me a voice note saying “I miss you” on a day we weren’t seeing each other because I was missing him. At that point we haven’t spoken to each other for a few days on phone and also won’t see each other for another week in person. It was meant to be a small, cute, affectionate gesture. I told him I just wanted to hear his voice.
He didn’t do it, and told me he was really tired that day. I told him I completely understood. In today’s call (after we haven’t spoken to each other on phone for after like 4 days), I brought this up again and said I wish he could send me voice notes on the days we don’t call much.
His response? He said I was “pushing boundaries” and “disregarding his feelings.” That honestly really upset me. It’s a 3-second voice note, and I only asked because I missed him. I just wanted to make it cute, he twisted it into something it is not.
We have now broken up and his response was “You’re right. It’s not the first time it’s happened either. It’s obvious I haven’t learnt. If I cause you this much distress, and you believe that’s how I feel about you, then you deserve someone better. I’m very sorry to have caused you this much distress and the best option for both of us is to end things”
It just sounds like he doesn’t want to make it work at all. He is so passive and I am really over it. I don’t know if I did the right thing, because we were arguing over something that seems so insignificant, but I really don’t like the way he handled this.
TL;DR, 25F broke up with 27M over the matter of sending a voice note and wondering who is in the wrong
Comments
Sounds like he’s had someone on the side and doesn’t care if things between you work out or not. “Pushing boundaries” over a voice note that takes a few seconds is a crazy excuse though. He needs to work on those excuses for his next relationship.
It sounds like you are looking for somebody who naturally puts in a little more effort, and he is not willing to do that. I don’t think it’s crazy to ask for a little voice note when you haven’t talked for a couple days, and I think that in the future you will be able to find somebody who wants to have that same sort of relationship.
You aren’t together, so what are you asking for advice about your relationship on?
Asking for validation that you are right is not a relationship advice question.
It sounds like he was looking for an out.
It also sounds like you’re quite needy emotionally – if he misses you, wouldn’t you want that to come from him organically, rather than you requesting he says it in a voicenote?
A few seconds of attention is pushing boundaries?
It’s not even close to the bare minimum. Come on…