I M/26 and my girlfriend F/23 have been in a relationship for the past 3 months. Like any other relationship we have been having minor issues which we’ve tried to work through.
Though there are some behaviours she’s got that I am really uncomfortable with. Like, social media addiction- she’ll use her phone to scroll Instagram, TikTok and WhatsApp even when we’re together in bed and also on dinner dates. It’s disrespectful to me and I have pointed out to her several times that she needs to change on that.
The other issue is that she’ll randomly disrespect me and make a “it’s not a big deal” about it. She’s also subtle violent like she’ll pinch, bite or slap me in bed. At first I thought she’s just obsessed with me and she can’t control herself. That was how she defended herself.
Today in the morning I found some medical documents indicating she had an abortion last year, twice. This is so disturbing since I thought she’s finally the one I am going to settle down with. She’s from a religious and humble background, which is why I am so disturbed by it.
I have not asked her about it yet as I don’t know how to approach the situation plus I am unable to look at her the same way I did. It’s like I don’t recognise her anymore.
I also have my skeletons and I have always been open with her about my past. I am not judging her, as maybe she had legitimate reasons for doing it. I just need advice on how to approach her with this information, and also how to move forward with her knowing what she did in her past.
How do you to go about it?
How do you get over such revelations ?
Comments
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> She’s also subtle violent like she’ll pinch, bite or slap me in bed. At first I thought she’s just obsessed with me and she can’t control herself. That was how she defended herself.
What?
> Today in the morning I found some medical documents indicating she had an abortion last year, twice.
Huh?!
OP. You need to sit down and ask yourself what you want to get out of that conversation. That’ll frame how you approach it.
Where did you find her medical records? I’ve literally just “found” a paper record of someone’s medical files. How did you find them?
Her past is her past so anything that happened before you entered the picture should not matter. If you don’t agree to abortions don’t have one or use protection. Nobody is what they seem so humble conservative doesn’t mean shit. No one should hit you. I’ll lightly smack my hubby out of jest when we are teasing each other but never in violence. As far as the SM goes that’s pretty common. Just have a no phones at the table boundary
Abortion 2 times is not okay. Nowadays there are so many ways to secure. If you continue together, make sure that she visits a doc to find a medical solution. An act of killing is not a solution!
I read this but I didn’t need to for the advice I have.. leave that shit where it belongs… In the past… It’s not bad you know some of the things in each other’s past not to judge or have sympathy but to understand each other. Good luck bro until she slips I wouldn’t worry about it to much
> Like, social media addiction- she’ll use her phone to scroll Instagram, TikTok and WhatsApp even when we’re together in bed and also on dinner dates.
Be careful with the word “addiction”
> together in bed
Just hanging out? That’s fine.
> on dinner dates
At just dinner in general, or specifically dates you’ve planned in advance?
>The other issue is that she’ll randomly disrespect me and make a “it’s not a big deal” about it
What do you mean “disrespect”?
> She’s also subtle violent like she’ll pinch, bite or slap me in bed
If you don’t like it, tell her to stop.
> Today in the morning I found some medical documents
How did you find her medical documents? This is suspicious
>indicating she had an abortion last year, twice. This is so disturbing
No, you are disturbed, it’s not that it is disturbing. There is a difference. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s bad.
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> just need advice on how to approach her with this information
It depends entirely on what your goal is. “I found these medical documents in this way that indicate you had an abortion, and I’m curious about what happened?”
Not judgemental.