What I should do? I am a 26F. My 5 year long relation ended after struggling to make it work for years (I was the only one trying .. mad in love) . Soon after the breakup I shifted abroad to do my masters degree. I was very indecisive clueless about guys and ended up kissing my only friend in the new town after being drunk. Not sure when but things changed into a relation soon without the tag. I tried leaving him and staying as friends, he got a panic attack after listening that n told he might leave the uni. I got scared and told no. Again after few months I told him to breakup he got a very scary panic attack. His past has been really bad and he is a nice sweet guy. I decided to leave him once my uni emds and we both are a bit settled. Dont know how ill do it.
we both need eacb other here. I have been extremely clear to him that this wont last forever and my intentions. He isnt happy about that obviously.
If I leave him he’ll fail in all subjects and will be very miserable. I would also be miserable but won’t completely stake my career atleast. I need him from a emotion perspective of having someone and not being totally alone in this new country. We both have each other’s back at the moment. We care for each other.
Is it totally senseless what I am doing? Or?
Please share your thoughts and genuine opinions
Comments
Yes, it’s senseless. But it’s understandable. You’re young. You still haven’t learned that you never fight for someone’s love. And you never stay with someone for their sake. He can jump off a skyscraper and it’s still not your problem.
You’ll learn. But we all need our own experiences and our own struggles to learn. You can’t do it by reading someone else’s. So you’re doing that right now. Experiencing.
You don’t owe anything to him. As counter intuitive as it feels, sometimes the best thing you can do is let people fail. It is the only way they’ll learn. It is the only way they’ll find their own footing. He’s 26, he needs to cope and you can’t enable him
You are being controlled, he is being violent by using you concern that he will fail to coerce and manipulate you into staying with him.
If you break up it’s his responsibility whether he wallows and chooses to fail his course. You are emotionally carrying him.
I suspect you have a pattern of not wanting to hurt others and gently harm them by staying where you don’t want. It’s a destructive cycle. These dynamics often escalate. Anyone who threatens you with their own wellbeing is abusive.
This is domestic abuse.
Here are some more details:https://safelives.org.uk/about-domestic-abuse/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/