I’ve just gotten married this year, after being with my wonderful partner (25M) for 2 years. Our journey together has been filled with the most beautiful, genuine, and pure moments I’ve ever experienced. I often feel too lucky to be with him. Last year, my grandmother (the matriarch of the family) passed from cancer and was not able to make the wedding, much less be aware I was even engaged. Her mind went long before her body did. I had to witness the degradation of her health, her children’s well-being, and her husband’s sanity. This is the most significant loss I’ve experienced in my life, and I think about her very often. Although I am the happiest I’ve ever been, I have this increased, looming feeling about death and dying. I wake up before my husband in the morning and stare at him, wondering when death will take him from me, or how. Some days it consumes my thoughts, and it’s difficult for me to live in the moment. Has this happened to anyone else in a committed relationship? I’ve been in previous relationships before and can’t recall ever feeling this way. I am aware I should speak to my therapist about this; I am worried it might be blown out of proportion or be misunderstood as something more severe.
TL;DR, being recently married has increased my fear of death and dying after experiencing my grandmother’s death