Post:
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for five years. We’re in a committed, loving relationship. He’s honestly an amazing partner – emotionally intelligent, kind, funny, attractive, and supportive. We share similar values and life goals. I’ve never cheated and have no intention to, but I’ve been struggling with something I’m not sure how to navigate.
About every six months, I develop a strong crush on someone else. These feelings last around a month, and while I don’t act on them, they feel intense. I’ll get excited over texts, replay conversations, stalk social media, daydream constantly. I always move on eventually, but it’s emotionally draining and makes me question how to handle it in a healthy way.
Some context: My boyfriend is a homebody with allergies to grass, pollen, and sweat, so outdoor activities and sports (things I love) aren’t really an option for him. He tries his best, but sometimes his body just can’t keep up. I’m also really into art and deep convos about creative work, which aren’t his thing. These aren’t dealbreakers for me, but they leave a gap that I usually fill with friends. Occasionally, those friends become internal, unspoken crushes. I don’t flirt or behave differently, but I definitely get that emotional buzz when they engage with me.
I work freelance in a creative, hands-on field and meet lots of artistic or technically skilled people – people who are handy, thoughtful, expressive – traits I’m drawn to. The fast-paced bonding in my industry may also contribute to these recurring crushes.
My boyfriend knows I get occasional crushes, but not the frequency or intensity. I haven’t lied, I just haven’t shared those details. I feel weird about it, even though I’m not doing anything inappropriate. Some friends say I’m just someone with a lot of care to give, but I still feel stuck on how to handle this going forward.
I’d really appreciate advice on how to communicate this better with my partner without making it sound worse than it is? What are some healthy ways to manage or redirect these crushes when they happen? How can I stay emotionally grounded when I’m around people I’m drawn to?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and advice.
TL;DR:
I (27F) am in a committed 5-year relationship with my boyfriend (29M), but I keep getting intense crushes on people I meet through my creative job. I don’t act on them, but they’re emotionally overwhelming and leave me unsure how to communicate this with my partner or manage the feelings in a healthy way.