[27M] My ex [22F] said she doesn’t want to reconcile, but her actions during our 2 ½-hour meeting were the opposite. How do I interpret this?

Hi Reddit, I need a rational, outside perspective on a situation that is causing me significant confusion.

The Background:
Seven months ago (Dec 2024), I [27M] ended a deep and loving relationship with my ex-girlfriend [22F]. We were committed since Sep 2024, got to know each other in June 2024. It was her first serious relationship. We had to go long-distance due to her semester abroad starting mid-Sep 2024. I visited her in October for a couple of days.

The breakup was 100% my fault. It was not due to a lack of love, but was a direct result of a severe personal crisis I was experiencing (a combination of academic burnout, illness, and intense pressure from a toxic family dynamic). I was hesitant with contact and give her the impression that I didn’t care for her at all. I was overwhelmed and shut down, a pattern I’ve since come to understand.

The Apology:
Starting in February, I began professional counseling to work through these issues. This process led me to understand the depth of my mistake. Seven weeks ago, I sent her a long, handwritten letter. In it, I took full and complete accountability for my actions and the pain I caused, apologized to her, explained the context of my crisis without making excuses, and respectfully opened the door for my wish for a second chance, making it clear that any next step was entirely up to her.

The Meeting:
For seven weeks, I heard nothing. Then, three days ago, she contacted me to meet. We met the day after for 2 ½-hours. The conversation felt contradicting to me:

1. Her Stated Position (The “No”): She began by apologizing for her long silence, explaining that she was overwhelmed by the letter, that it struck her like a bombshell for a week straight, and that she didn’t know how to react. 15 minutes into the conversation, she stated her decision. Her specific words were: “I mean, uhm, I don’t know… I feel, that there is damaged trust due to December and that for me to rebuild that trust it would require re-opening that chapter of what happened, and I don’t want to do that.”
2. My Explanation (The New Information): I accepted her statement. I then explained the work I’ve done since the breakup. I told her about the counseling, about identifying my destructive patterns (for example being told by my father that none of my actions in life are enough and successes are being taken for granted, which is what I thought in my crisis back in Dec 2024 about our relationship), and about the most significant action I’ve taken: After a long process of coming to terms with my family history, help from the psychologist, I have decided to cut contact with my father and have written a 27-page document stating all the damage and the patterns he raised me with to formalize this.
3. Her Contradictory Actions: Despite her verbal “no”, her behavior for the rest of the meeting seemed to contradict it to some extent.
   • She did not end the conversation. She stayed for the full 2h30min. I even offered to leave at one point if she was uncomfortable, but she chose to stay.
   • She asked follow-up questions, including whether I had sent the letter to my father yet as an immediate follow-up question when I mentioned it.
   • The conversation shifted to a light, easy, and humorous tone somewhere in the middle after she said after a while of silence “Maybe… I would wish that we could be cool with each other in each others presence” (She is the best friend of my roommate, who I have a good friendship with as well). I told her again about my feelings and what it makes me feel to see her, but agreed. Following that, we laughed and made jokes together as we used to.
   • The end was the most intense part. She had to leave because she needed to go to an event. She asked for a hug with an unsure expression in her face. This was not a brief, polite hug. It lasted, on and off, for 15-20 minutes. We were holding each other tightly, caressing each other, touching our forearms, holding hands when not hugged, and I could feel her heart racing and her breathing fast. There was mutual “pulling closer” after we’d slightly separate. I asked her if it was “too much” without her giving an affirmative or negative reply. At one point, she leaned in as if to kiss my forehead, then pulled back sharply. This happened two more times.

The Current Situation:
I ended the conversation by restating my respect for her decision, but also reaffirming that my feelings for her are total, that I stood by everything I told her verbally as well as in writing, and my door remains open if she ever sees the possibility of potentially starting to trust me again. This visibly moved her to even more tears than before. We cried and hugged intensely again, she then had to leave for her event.

I am aiming to leave this town permanently in about 8-12 weeks, which she knows, it is just not clear when and where to. I’m torn between my friends’ advice: one says to accept her words as final, however, most of my friends are convinced her actions prove the story isn’t over and that she will need time.

My Question:

Am I being delusional by giving her non-verbal actions so much weight? Or is it a legitimate sign that her verbal “no” is not her final, true feeling? How do I factually interpret a situation where someone’s words and body are in such complete opposition? What is the most self-respecting way to navigate my last 8-12 weeks here? I thought I would have an answer after meeting but it feels like everything has turned even more complicated than before.

TL;DR: My ex, who I deeply regret breaking up with, met with me after 7 weeks of silence after I sent her a letter (after 5 months of breakup). She verbally rejected the idea of reconciliation, but her actions (a 2+ hour conversation, a 20-minute intimate hug she initiated) were the exact opposite. I’m moving away in 8-12 weeks and don’t know what to believe.