I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years, and we recently moved to a new country for our master’s. Ever since we shifted, we’ve been fighting constantly. I’ve had a habit of randomly checking his phone, but I never found anything suspicious—until today.
He always tells me not to enter his room, but today, I decided to surprise him, only to be shocked myself. I found him dirty-talking with girls on an app called Walkie, sending explicit messages about sex. When I confronted him, I learned that he had been doing this since May. He has never done anything like this before, and my world just shattered.
He apologized, saying he had desires he wanted to fulfill and was trying to satisfy his sexual needs. I was completely shaken—how could he do this? He was very active on that app, and when I asked him how he would feel if someone did this to his sister, he had no answer.
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Physical or not, this is still cheating.
It isn’t like he is just watching porn or something. He is actually contacting “real” people and betraying you with them.
He’s not going to stop.. this will absolutely continue. But now that he knows you know about it, he is going to get better at hiding it. The chances of you finding it again are slim, and the possibility you’ll find it a third time are close to zero.
If this isn’t something you can overcome, do yourself a favor and end it now. This will only continue to damage you if you let it.
What do you think you should do?
You decide if you can stay and repair this relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you or your feelings. Or you love yourself enough to know you don’t deserve this and leave him. Someone who loves and respects you will express their “needs” to you and communicate properly in a relationship. Someone who doesn’t will cheat on you through the internet.
There’s no trust in your relationship and it sounds like there hasn’t been for quite some time. From your ‘habit’ of checking his phone to his use of the app for sexual contact with other women, nothing here is healthy. Ask yourself exactly what you’re getting out of this relationship right now that makes you want to continue in it, because it doesn’t appear that there’s any kind of foundation here for rebuilding trust.
This is cheating. Conversing with other women/sexting/dirty talking IS physical cheating. This is how an emotional affair starts.
Y’all have only been together 2.5 years…what’s to say next year he has “needs he has to fulfill” and that includes banging his coworker?
He tells you not to enter his room? What the actual fuq?
I’d leave. I’m not interested in ever being cheated on—to any capacity. Multiple times during a 5 year relationship was enough of a heartbreak for me.
Sorry to hear. The best you can do imo is leave. He’ll apologize and you’ll feel bad for leaving but it’s okay. If you let it slide, it’ll happen again.