28F emotionally detaches when overwhelmed and it’s hurting my relationship with my 30M husband — how do I rebuild trust and partnership after years of self-protective behavior?

I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for almost 4 years — it was an arranged marriage that blossomed into real love. We’re now expecting our first baby. On the surface, things seem fine, but beneath it all, I’m realizing how deeply my emotional habits from childhood are harming our connection.

I grew up as an only child in a tight but emotionally restricted family. My father became emotionally distant during my teenage years, and I coped by detaching and becoming extremely independent. I learned not to rely on others, especially when things got tough.

My husband is the total opposite — warm, open, emotionally generous, and community-oriented. He sees marriage as a full partnership: “no you or me, just us.” I love him deeply, but I struggle with vulnerability. I tend to treat emotional and financial support as transactions — if someone gives me something, I feel a need to repay it, or else I feel like a burden. That includes how I relate to my husband.

A few examples:

• I mishandled money my father gave for school and our home. Instead of being open, I avoided discussing it out of shame and fear of looking like I had nothing of my own.
• Recently, my dad gave money for pregnancy expenses. I delayed transferring it to our account and hesitated to ask for help with a small international bank fee. My husband saw this as me shutting him out — again.
• He’s also pointed out how I unintentionally treat his family differently than mine. When my mom visited, I made sure she was comfortable, but when his parents came shortly after, I was dealing with pain and fatigue and couldn’t do much. From the outside, it looked like favoritism.
• He also noticed how I shut down when overwhelmed, even during family visits. I’ve never realized how strong that pattern was until he said it.

He told me he feels like I’ve always kept him at a distance, treating our relationship like a transaction rather than a real partnership. That crushed me. I realize now I’ve brought my childhood survival mechanisms into a space that’s supposed to be safe — our marriage.

He’s traveling soon, and I’m terrified that if I don’t open up before he leaves, I’ll lose him emotionally. I’ve written something to try to express all this, but I don’t know how to say it without him feeling like I’m just offering words.

TL;DR: I (28F) emotionally detach when overwhelmed, a habit I picked up in childhood that’s now hurting my marriage to my loving husband (30M). I’ve made him feel like an outsider in financial and emotional decisions. He now feels like I don’t treat him as a real partner, and I’m scared I’ve pushed him too far away. How do I rebuild trust and learn to be emotionally present in a relationship when I was never taught how?