My 28M boyfriend and I 24F have been dating for 10 months now and living together since the start. As I invited him over the first day I got my new apartment and he stayed and we started dating. Everything seemed fine at first, until it wasn’t. His lack or un-willingness to do anything has gotten worse. Anytime I have asked him to do something since the start, he doesn’t do it then gets upset when I do it, like the dishes, take the trash out, pick up the clothes on the floor, etc. I’ve tried to get over it over time, but I’m so tired of feeling like I’m just a housemaid, in my own house.
TL;DR: feeling so unsupported, unloved and distant from my 28M boyfriend.
Lately, he has been showing little to no physical affection towards me. We never have sex and I’m feeling like he wants to say something to me but won’t. He just says I’m the one he wants. But, he makes me feel so insecure when he doesn’t show any affection towards me. Granted I’ve gained about 10-15 pounds since meeting him which puts me at 300 pounds, but if you aren’t attracted to me, why not leave. Or am I just a housemaid for him.
Is it a me thing or what is the issue? He has BPD and I understand it’s challenging but he uses that as an excuse 24/7. He never wants to do anything with me, no family outings or anything, it’s always an excuse.
He also has told me I need to talk to him nicer, but I am talking to him as a grown adult, when he wants to be babied like his mother does to him.
What can I do at this point besides leave because I do love him, but there seems to be no attraction from him to me, yet he says he loves me with no actions behind it.
Comments
from this description, it doesn’t sound like you’re the issue. either he doesn’t like you, or he’s not willing to change. neither of these scenarios seem like something you should stick around for. also he’s way too old to be acting like that.
Have you had a conversation with him about how he’s feeling? Maybe it’s time to have a long unjudged conversation with him
OP, you need to get a grip on reality. This guy doesn’t even like you. He is taking advantage of you. This is a Grade A hobosexual.
This sounds like a bad match. You might love him, but feelings aren’t enough to sustain a relationship. I’m guessing that he doesn’t pay bills, as well as refusing to do housework?
You are a single woman. Why on earth would you move a man into your home so quickly?!! This is a red flag from both of you. Had you waited to get to REALLY know him, he would have dropped the mask at some point and you would have been able to the real him. Never, ever do this again.
He is abusing you in your own home. Get away from him and get into therapy. This will not get better and he may very well end up physically hurting you. You are saying you love him, but he is doing everything to show that he hates you. Get off the ground, stand up in dignity, and dump his loser ass.
>My 28M boyfriend and I 24F have been dating for 10 months now and living together since the start. As I invited him over the first day I got my new apartment and he stayed and we started dating.
He sounds like a hobosexual.
Relationships are voluntary. You do not have to stay in this one.
Evict him. Vow never to live with another boyfriend until you’ve dated him for a decent period of time first.