Okay first off my girlfriend is the greatest human ever ! She is kind, sweet , beautiful , she’s smart , strong , fierce , loving ! She takes care of me is my world ! And next year I plan to pop the question ! THE ONLY ISSUE IS OUR SLEEPING IS POLAR OPPOSITE !
I want to be basically in a frigid tundra , wrapped only in a single blanket . I want to feel the piercing cold of the AC and of the fans ! I want to feel like a brave explorer exploring the tundra where at any moment frostbite could set in !!!! She wants to have as many blankets as continents as as many pillows as countries .
Our bed is a queen , I sleep on the left side nearest to the door and she is supposed to sleep on the right and leave a canyon in between so one (me) of us can sometimes (yes) roll over into the middle . Now she refuses to abide by this barrier , treating what should be the DMZ like it’s that one town separating Canada and America where you can jump d cross . Now this wouldn’t be a problem if she only entered a little bit she rolls over to cuddle and forces me a pretty large individual to the side of the bed like I’m about to fall in lava like Anakin on Mustafar . So I naturally now at night wake up many times to almost falling out of bed .
The third issue is she’s SOOooo loving and hot that she wants to cuddle alllllll the time !!! And cuddling = heat and she brings her 7 blankets with her to my side of the bed and I end up sweating and laying awake watching the clock go by considering buying a third or a forth or even fifth fan . I always slept on my back and never cuddled before and she wants to cuddle and be close and be warm and be all adorable and it’s amazing when it’s not time for sleep !!
! I want to be a better bed mate and I know we will end up married so I want to learn now the secret arts of sleeping with another person whose the antithesis, the yin to my yang , the polar opposite of my sleeping habits ?
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Marriage is 50/50 except in bed, where it’s 75/25 (her side/your side). Prioritize sleep now, or you’ll spend decades as a groggy, fan-hoarding zombie.
Love is giving her the last blanket but wisdom is buying separate ones.
First off: I like your writing style!
If it’s very hot around us, I usually just hold hands with my GF when we fall asleep. That’s enough for her for comfort.
It’s different if she comes cuddling because she’s cold. Or if I do, it’s the other way around with us – because she always ends up stealing all the blankets and I end up in Siberia!
In that case, it helps when she wears socks. Most of the time she’s not actually cold, she just has cold feet. And avenges that with stealing my blanket.
When you grow up, you’ll realise that the secret is you cuddle but don’t try to sleep that way.
This ain’t Hollywood. People sweat. People have kids who are on them all day. People need space. Having a limpet on me all night ain’t it. In some countries it’s normal for people to have separate duvets on the bed.
Cuddle then give people their damn space so they can sleep.
TLDR ..
I advise you to shed the AC on you while doing it until you guys fall asleep .. if it’s still inferno try uncovering the sheets away ..
Married for 10 years and like many other couples, we have separate sheets. We start by cuddling and once it gets too hot, we turn around and continue to sleep.
You need your sleep. Cuddling is all good and loving but sleep is just as important.
If we need cuddles we still collect them, for example after a nightmare, but by and large we’ve learned that once we get too hot, we stop cuddling.
I cuddle for like 5-10 min then I roll over and sleep
You definitely need to get rid of the queen bed and buy a bigger one.
Then tell her that you love her and all but you need distance to sleep so please don’t try and cuddle at night.
Then, some married couples sleep in separate beds. It might sound extreme, but sleeping is an important part of life and sleep quality should be taken into consideration.
Put a body pillow between you. It separates you and she can cuddle it.
Also get separate blankets
Make the tundra, and give her a hot water bottle every night. You start of cuddling on her side when you fall asleep so when you roll over your don’t die from falling off the bed. Also, get a king sized bed. It’s the best thing in the world.
Female perspective here. I am more like your girlfriend – I like cuddles and generally a good sleeper. My husband is the opposite, he needs a lot of space when sleeping and light sleeper. When he has a bad sleep he is a grumpy man, so we talked and I listen to his needs. We got a really large bed, we have separate mattresses in that bed (so he feels less me moving in the night), we have separate blankets, we might cuddle a bit as he knows I like it but ultimately then each of us mind our own business when sleeping.
Talk to your girlfriend, she doesn’t want to have a grumpy and tired boyfriend next to her – that’s in her interest too!
Firstly get a king-size bed. Put an electric blanket on it with dual controls. Then go Nordic – one top sheet, but king single duvets for each of you to your personal tog preference. She can have the electric blanket turned on on her side and a tower of duvets. And you can sleep just under a sheet if you like. Cuddles until she falls asleep and then back to your artic tundra.
Sleep is extremely important and we all need to be comfortable and get what we need to sleep comfortably. You know what you need, so you do your best to keep that going. She has to accept that.
You can cuddle until you tell her you are falling asleep and then you get the space you need, and make sure the fan only hits you.
What you describe is very very common men vs women. Men are usually way warmer. But also, humans moves in their sleep, quite a lot. So space is needed for most of us.
If she doesn’t take the hints then it’s boundary time.
Cold sleeper here, girlfriend is also a hot sleeper. The short of it is that I might cuddle her for a bit, but when I decide I want to sleep I need to face away from her and possibly even scoot over, it’s a little give and take, set a timer for your A/C or a fan for about an hour or 2, should give you enough time to drift off. She also needs to learn that it’s a give and take, maybe hold her hand instead of full blown cuddling, have your legs touch but keep your torsos apart.
Haha I feel this on a spiritual level 😭 Me and my partner are exactly the same way ….. complete opposites in the bed!
He wraps himself like a burrito in the blanket in winter, and somehow still wants the fan or cooler on.Meanwhile, I’m out here like “my face needs to breathe” and one leg must be outside the blanket at all times….
Alsooo, he doesn’t like cuddling while sleeping but I always end up rolling over to him in the middle of the night. And sometimes he half-asleep mumbles like “garmi lag rahi h, dur hatke sou” 😭 but guess what? I still don’t give him space for long 😌 I always roll back to him.
But now the cutest part….. even though cuddling isn’t his thing, he knows I love it, so he’s slowly trying to adapt. Sometimes he even rolls towards me on his own now…
Opposites in bed, but somehow we still make it work 🩷
My husband likes to cuddle to sleep, and I like my space. To me, you can’t really compromise in this situation because either you cuddle to sleep or you don’t iykwim. I personally (and maybe I’m biased because I’m the one that can’t sleep if I’m being cuddled) believe that you deserve to be able to sleep. Sleep is super important. I will give my husband a cuddle before we go to sleep, but then I roll over and want my space. He will put his hand on my leg for a little while, but once he starts his sleep glitching he has to take it off so I can sleep. If you’re thinking about marrying this person then you should be able to have an open and honest conversation with them. Tell her the truth, that you get too hot when she cuddles you and you are unable to sleep. If she actually gives a crap about you she should want you to be comfortable and able to sleep.
As Ross would say: you hug and you roll. Explained here, at the 2:00 mark.
I’m pro seperate beds/rooms. You can still cuddle, spend nights together etc but you can also have the choice to sleep alone and get deep sleep, and having your own space is nice too.
Separate sheets and blankets. Give a good cuddle until feeling warm, then go your separate ways. She also needs to compromise here and get off of you so you can have your tundra and she can have her wild amount of blanket layers. A body pillow in between after the parting of bodies to keep things to her side and your side, not her infiltrating the sides. Lastly…invest in a king bed. All couples should have a king, no ifs ands or buts,
I also run warm. I would lose my mind if my partner stayed glued to me.
Separate blankets. My partner is a snuggler too. While it can be a bit annoying to be on the edge of the bed, it’s so nice to feel that level of love.
My wife and I had a California King, we went and got extra long twins and adjustable frames, so now we have a literal space between the mattresses and they are adjusted differently because without, we both snore. When we are intimate we use one side or the other or both, sometimes ending up in the Crack between mattresses. Its perfect, we use different blankets and hardly ever make contact during the night. It has even increased our intimacy being separate when sleeping. I also generate enormous amounts of heat and end up sweating even with just a sheet. Just be honest with her.
I am the same as you and I just adjust it so I am holding her overtop of her blankets, but half under mine. Somehow the temp works out. Sometimes I poke a leg out if I overheat. It’s kinda like having a squishy body pillow but there is a cuddled human underneath!
No advice, just empathy from one tundra dweller and window open in the dead of winter sleeper, to another. I love my partner, I’ll never leave him…
BUT, if I did for whatever reason ever date again, incompatible temperature preferences would be a red line, hard boundary, non negotiable DEALBREAKER!
It seems like (and is tbh) such a small thing- but it’s a special kind of hell when one of you is always, at best, mildly uncomfortable.
You have a lovely writing style