3 months ago I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating on me. It was a very traumatic experience and now 3 months later I still find myself depressed about it– even though we only dated for 3 months. I still go through normal day but feel hollow inside. A bit dead. Numb. I havent been attracted to another man since. I dont trust men. In fact I think I have regressed to a place where now men– their attention, presence, etc– repulses me. Post-breakup I lost all my friends bc apparently not wanting to be social for 2 weeks after you discover someone is cheating on you is wrong? So then I only had ChatGPT to talk to which while initially I felt it was helping I now think not? I dont know. I just know that now 3 months later I am anxious, tired, sad, depressed, untrusting, angry (oh so angry)– a ton of negative emotions. And none of these are emotions of I want him back but it just it at the world. I am angry at the world that I had to go through this and that there hasnt been a fairytale ending where someone (man or great friends) come in and make all the loss seem like it was worth it. Ya know? Instead it’s just a void and pain and anger. I’ve lost so much weight (not even intentionally) bc I think the stress and sadness has just eaten at my body. What is wrong with me and am I stuck?
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It’s ok to be angry. It also kinda sounds like something an actual therapist could really help with.
3 months is both a very short time in the grand scheme of things but can feel like forever. I’m not worried about your general feelings towards men for the future
You got a get off ChatGPT. That shit is not good for you and will just feed into your spiraling.
You do have to figure out what happened with your friends though. Was it really all them? Was any of it you? Therapy is a great way to figure this out. ChatGPT will destroy you in this area.
You need to find other shit to do. A new hobby. Build new friendships. Just pour yourself into something like a volunteer gig or a new job.
Also, how old are you and are you in school?
Please try and seek out a medical professional, I’m really worried about the state of your mental health. I know that the world is incredibly cruel and unfair, but we still have to take care of ourselves in spite of it. I’m sorry that it feels like you have no one to help out or rely on, I understand that feeling well. Just focus on yourself and trying your best to regain some stability, it doesn’t have to be all at once of course but getting some good meals in and destressing is a big priority right now. The rest will come with time.
It’s been years for me and I still have insecurities rear up from being cheated on- but it doesn’t hurt anymore. Time will fix this. Don’t go on the subreddits about being cheated on, those helped initially and then held me back for a long time.
My advice is to find something else to occupy your time. A hobby, a pet, going on walks or hikes, podcasts, start a new TV series, books… literally anything to turn to when your brain starts chasing its tail.
I am sorry this happened to you OP. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes people are super shitty. It’s hard to find ways to accept that and let it go but that should be your goal.
Also yeah stop using chat gpt. It doesn’t have life experience it doesn’t understand your pain it’s not real and it’s hurting the environment. Truly not worth it.
Sounds a lot like PTSD
First of all please don’t use ChatGPT as a therapist. You’re pretty much telling the government all your inner thoughts and our government . . . well, you know.
You might actually have PTSD from this experience. I think it took me about six months to heal from the trauma of catching my boyfriend cheating on me. It was so traumatic because I didn’t even suspect, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I thought everything was great. It was a shock to the system for sure.
But would you be feeling so distressed about your feelings if you didn’t feel like you had to get back out there and get with men again? It’s OK to not date them. It’s OK to not want to get involved. It’s ok to be single for now, or forever.
You need some human interaction. AI is not a replacement for face to face therapy and community. Try and put yourself out there to meet new people – book club, running club, a night class, a new hobby — literally anything that will give you some new connections. Just find somewhere that you can feel safe and accepted.
Take care of your health, don’t let your body rot. Brush your teeth, wash your face, get outside and do something, even if it’s just getting a coffee.
Make sure you’re also taking accountability for your actions (losing all your friends in such a short amount of time is pretty extreme). Was it just a case of withdrawing from your social scene, or did something else go down?
If you just lost touch, try reaching out to one of your friends and invite them to brunch or a casual outing to catch up.
Join us at r/survivinginfidelity! 3 months is not a long time to get over this. It will take more time, but you will be okay. I recommend reading “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life”.
Let me know when you find the answer, because it’s been six months for me and I’ve just gotten more and more reclusive. My therapist told me that two thirds of people have shitty morals and ethics and now, I’ve gone full hermit. Horrendously lonely, but too traumatized to want to talk to anyone, because I feel like almost everyone is going to hurt me.
Grief isn’t linear. You’ll have days where you’ll suddenly feel better to then get pushed back and feel depressed the next day.
The most important thing is to give yourself time. To feel your emotions and not suppress them. To come to a place eventually where you’ll find yourself again and realize that you don’t need saving – you’re able to save yourself.
It doesn’t matter how long you dated – cheating is an enormous break of trust and it scars you.
It’s normal to not trust any men for a while after. You got burnt and your body and mind are trying to protect you to be burnt again.
It takes time.
And as someone who’s also been cheated on trust me when I tell you: it gets better. You’ll be able to trust again. You’ll be able to go days, weeks, months, without even thinking about what happened. Eventually. Not now, maybe not tomorrow. But it will get better.
Sounds a lot like how I’ve felt when someone really close to me past. For me it was a delayed reaction, kind of like it only sort of bothered me, but then months later it all kicked in that they were gone.
It’s tough, and it feels like it’ll last forever because none of the solutions are instant or even felt. It just takes a lot of time, and you need to give that to yourself. Stay strong, you’ll make it.
Gosh three months? Give yourself a break! Being betrayed by someone you trust is a fundamental blow to your psyche. I know it would take me a year or so to get over something like that.
Go ahead and yell into the ether. No you’re not stuck. Being depressed over this plus the general state of relationships is normal. Give yourself a lot of time to process and work thru your emotions. My only other advice is to get enough sleep, exercise and eat good-for-you food – no cheeto binges. BTW it’s healthy not to trust male casual acquaintances or strangers.
You get past this by going to therapy.
Your symptoms though normal are concerning : weightloss, depression, sadness, anger, etc…
People will say “you will get through this” but it’s so much better if you get through this with some help.
Therapy will help you to process your feelings, find a place to put your anger, etc…