I’ve been addicted since I was a teen. Now at 40 with high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, obesity, sleep apnea, etc, I want to rebuild my life. Improve my relationships with my wife and kids. Reignite my love for video games and reading. Stop scrolling YouTube and Reddit. Stop using Google Search to answer all my questions.
30+ year addiction to porn and masturbation. How do I rebuild my life?
r/Advice
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you definitely need to talk to a professional about this
You still have a wife and kids? Thatâs great! If you lose that youâll really be depressed. Seek professional help immediately. Plan on throwing away this phone and other connected devices. Theyâve destroyed you. Youâre not alone. This is so common.
Hey there, I might not be as experienced as what you’re looking for.
i feel that for all addictions, you need to set clear goals and systems in place. you canât expect to go cold turkey, especially after thirty years. for example, i have a phone addiction so what i do is :
i think you need to start small & implement changes in ur routine. ur mind and body likes predictability. the hardest step is the first one but when you get over it, itâll get easier. i promise.
so letâs try:
1- figure out ur triggers
2- make said triggers unattractive and unattainable
3- âreplaceâyour addiction. you said you like reading right? so maybe at night â letâs say thatâs when you get the urgeâ pick up the book instead
4- track ur progress
5- be sure to always stay consistent. even if you fail, try try try try try again. the whole point of consistency is to show up for yourself.
you got this! woohooooo
It’s never to late!!! You got this đ I highly suggest by starting to go to the gym and work out hardđŞ it will help I promise. Not at first it’s gonna hurt. Just keep pushing and you’ll start feeling better and better which will turn into better and better choices day to day.Â
The fact that youâre here admitting this after 30 years tells me one thing, you havenât given up on yourself. You canât erase the past, but you can rewrite every page from here forward. Your kids donât need a perfect man, just a present one. Start with one small habit today, and let it snowball.
Start some exercise. You aren’t going to replace all that stuff with nothing and succeed. It will help you feel positive. If you are unfit I recommend C25K. Which stands for couch to 5k run, and many people who cannot ever walk without losing their breath are able to run 5km after 2-3 months. The start us so easy too. Like 15 minutes every second day. It build up to closer to 30 minutes as you get fitter.
Anytime you want to jack off do 10 jumping jacks, 10 pushups, and 10 sit ups. Once that is easy do more.
You need to replace the addiction with a different addiction. Preferably something healthy like doing pushups.
Try a different web site
Practice abstinence and so something else with your free time.
Start with therapy. I canât tell you how important that step is.
Depending on where you live, there may be support groups for porn addictions.
Go for a walk in nature, every day. Start small, and add more steps every few weeks to a month.
Did wonders for me some years ago.
I am going to give you one option that will sound crazy, but I guarantee it to be 100% effective. The problem with breaking routine is that you need to fill that space with something to take the same energy and direct it to something productive. Mushroom hunting is your answer. There are lots of pages on social media devoted to it, and I am certain that there is a Mycology club somewhere close by. Here is why it works, – 1-it gets you outside and hiking, I am 55 and in great shape because I walk up and down hills a few days a week looking for mushrooms. 2- looking for mushrooms makes going outdoors and getting exercise a treasure hunt, its not just going out to do it, there is a mission involved, places you want to check out 3- NATURE 4- walking in the woods regularly, watching the changes and the seasons grounds you, and 5- Kids are really good at it and can usually be talked into going and there is something cool about being a monkey in the woods looking for food and 6- there is no porn. Deciding to just stop is probably unreasonable, fill your time with something else, actually physically exert yourself to actually get tired. Go outside and put yourself in a situation where there is no porn. If mushrooms arent your thing then collect arrow heads or rocks or get a metal detector or whatever gives you an endless mission outside the house. Focusing on finding something else to do will leave you in a much better headspace. Is porn the problem or the symptom? Doesnt really matter, getting healthy is the solution either way. 40 is still young enough to make real changes that will improve your health, but trying to change everything drastically all at once is a sure path to failure. You are heading in the right direction, if you believe mind and body are separate things just fixing everything sounds easy, but if you believe the mind and body are connected, that your physical health is connected to your mental health and that your mental health effects your physical wellbeing, as I do, then the answer is in bigger picture take care of yourself, find a place you can actually start to get healthy, expect failures, and keep moving forward.
No worries I had a meth addiction for well over a decade got clean and sober and didn’t start my career until 40. Became a medic have a wife no kids, but the house, car and more importantly self esteem. I think that various things can help you such as going to the gym , forget the video game passion for now. You probably want to remain away from any triggers. So physical fitness is a good way of doing that. Rebuilding your communications line with your wife and children
like people said with a good foundation in place you can accomplish anything
Try a GLP1 like ozempic. it turns off that part of the brain.
Porn is the reason you are obese, depressed and sick. Once you make that connection you can break it. It makes men weak.
This is a spiritual problem that is manifesting in your body.
Seek professional help to address addiction and rebuild your life.
SA- sex addicts anonymous could help a lot.
seek help with psychiatric doctor, porn and masturbation is related witch depression case , and it need help with professional
How many times would you have averaged a day? Serious Q.
In addition to all what have been suggested in the above comments, I think also you may need to be more spiritual also , for example if you are Christian then pray a lot and read the Bible âŚetc
You need to be intentional and persistent to grow
Hey man! So, these are things people often go to therapists for extra support from those who study the science of this sort of thing in order to learn how to overcome it so they can best support those experiencing the various forms suffering takes as the effects cascade into other areas of life.
But, there are a few things I can suggest to help you overcome this specific issue in the short-term.
Find a highly rated tech expert and schedule a consultation with him. Essentially you ask him to put a firewall around pornographic material on all your devices within your home and emphasize that you are trying to avoid pornography and eliminate it from yours and your familyâs lives so you donât want the password to undo it. This is an excellent first step because it reduces and removes your access from the source, but as you may have imaginedâ this does not solve or cure you outright from your choices, habits, and impulsivity that goes against the aims you have for your near and far future.
Therapy. â this is mainly helpful because you have someone who you see on a weekly basis who is aligned with your overall vision and desire for a healthy change. This person is there for you to be honest with about your failures, even though it sucks. They are not there for you to be dishonest when you have a momentary slip and you revert to old patterns and habits. Itâs ok to have setbacks as long as you feel you are making slow and steady progress. Regardless, be honest, and increase your support by adding a team member to your journey forward.
The community and the culture you are surrounded byâ this one is a little tricky, but essentially you want to shift towards more physical activity and fulfillment within your personal life by moving towards a place where you feel accepted and supported with the direction of your various other goals. Often spiritual groups, religious communities, gyms with kind and welcoming people, exercise groups you enjoy, etc. finding social groups that are kind and make healthy choices will help you feel more drawn to those choices yourself. Youâll notice that I did not specify this category as âmaking healthier changesâ but rather finding the type of communities dedicated to healthier lifestyles in a variety of ways in which you are welcomed into warmly. Often we make choices that align with the choices of the people we spend the most time with, so adjusting who we spend time with will make healthier changes feel easier. Volunteering your excess time and effort to places and people you enjoy who need the extra support will help improve the quantity and quality of the amount you move and exert yourself throughout the week, it will help you feel like the ways your spending your time is more meaningful and worthwhile, and youâll feel good knowing itâs all a part of the direction you want to move in, so seek out these communities that you genuinely enjoy and who have nice and kind people so you can feel proud and happy about it all.
Diet. This is often daunting and very difficult for people because food can be so delicious and alluring. But, there are some tricks you can do to help you without making a drastic change and completely upending your dietary lifestyle. My first suggestion is to get 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes of waking up every day. Specifically protein like casein protein powder (not whey) other good choices are eggs, lean meats, legumes, fish, etc. the reason I exclude whey is because itâs designed to be digested quickly, so it doesnât maintain satiety for very long, but casein on the other hand takes like 8 hours to digest meaning youâll feel less cravings and less of a desire to overeat. Real protein sources also are a good choice because they take more time to digest as well compared to whey. But, protein shakes are easy to be consistent with, and they are easy to maintain a stock of which is why I recommend casein. Additionally, while protein and carbs are 4 calories per gram, and fat is around 9 calories per gram, protein requires more energy for your body to break down, so its caloric cost is less than carbs and fats per gram. Thatâs also why I suggest lean protein sources as opposed to fatty ones among other reasons. Aiming to increase overall protein with this one trick has a big effect on the rest of your day even if you change nothing else. The second trick is to eat some watermelon or other fruit you like regularly. Watermelon is high in water, it has some good fiber, and thus you get a large volume of it for a lower quantity of overall calories. This means itâs a great choice as a sweet snack or a little bit before a meal so you donât feel as prone to overeat during the meal time. Getting in some fruit every day is a great thing for your health anyway, although I would suggest careful consumption of things like mangoes and bananas because their volume isnât so amazing compared to their sugar quantities, but regardless they are fruit, and they are yummy and healthy so feel free to have them!
if you can do just one of these youâll definitely be in a better place, and if you can do more or even all four of these categories and incorporate them into your week, good things will happen in a few months, and youâll likely feel better, look better, have a greater direction in your life and generally feel ready to try incorporating more if you want to.
Good luck! And I hope you have an enjoyable time moving forward with your goals for a better life!!!
The most important thing to remember is the body changes over time, there no quick way out of your problems, so embrace the slow and gentle path forward towards your goals.
⌠but arenât all addictions simply solutions to a much deeper issue?
Replace those habits with exercise and look at your wife instead of women online
One hand at a time
First, you understand that this process will take time and hard work. That there may be slips in the beginning. But one slip doesnât undo your progress if you stop as soon as you realize you are flipping it let a slip cause you to have a cheat day.
Next, you get a therapist. They will help you process things and help step you to where you want to be.
Good therapy is the only way. If we could do it ourselves we would have by now. Everyone needs therapy. We all need help seeing things from the outside that we canât see. Addiction isnât about will power, itâs way deeper. Iâm 42 and trying to build my life from the ground up. Itâs not easy but itâs doable. Iâm glad you have your wife and kids to motivate. You can do it. But please look for a good therapist that can help you on this journey. You should be proud of yourself for wanting to come back to really living.
You should seek assistance. You are addicted to dopamine, regardless of the catalyst for its release.
Number 1 would be to get with a professional. Then, start by focusing on your meat suit. Clean up your diet, exercise or walk 3-4 times a week (it doesnât have to be anything crazy just get your heart rate up a bit, 20-30 min to start), get sunshine and spend time outside. The other thing too is earn your dopamine⌠stop reaching for cheap hit with your phone, food, porn etc⌠do something hard everyday and earn that dopamine. Research has shown that when you earn your dopamine by doing something challenging itâs long lasting. Cheap dopamine means big crashes.
The first thing you need to realize is that youâre not starting over at 40, youâre just starting from where you are, which is actually a much better place than you think. Youâve already got decades of self-awareness built up, you know the patterns that keep you stuck, and now youâre actually motivated to change, which is the part most people never reach. The porn and masturbation habit isnât just a sexual thing, itâs your brainâs go-to escape valve for stress, boredom, and discomfort, so if you try to just white knuckle it without replacing it, youâll burn out fast. Start small by creating friction around the habits you want to kill and make it stupidly easy to do the stuff you want to build. That might mean literally locking down your devices with blockers, keeping books physically near you so theyâre the path of least resistance, and scheduling actual time with your wife and kids where your phone isnât in armâs reach. The health side matters too because your brain chemistry is tied to your bodyâs state, so if you start fixing sleep and diet the mental cravings get a lot easier to manage. You donât have to cut YouTube or Reddit forever but you do have to retrain your brain to not treat them as default background noise. Think of this less like quitting an addiction and more like teaching yourself how to live in reality again without needing constant digital stimulation.
This is something you need professional help with.
Cardio.
All your problems come from cheap/bad habits contributing to your high blood pressure
A few of those things can be improved with eating better. Excerise a few times a week. Go for a walk everyday (go with the wife and kids). Get off all electronics 1hr before bed and read. Don’t jump on your phone right when you wake up. Spend more time with your wife and kids. The addiction part definitely seek professional help.
Just decide to improve 1-2 things a week. It’s not easy to change. Things will get better if you put in the effort.
Start with a nice relaxing wank…. then come up with a plan after your finished.Â
Never fails!Â
Well definitely get help from a professional, however if you dont feel ready to face one (since some ppl feel to ashamed to see one)
My advice is for you to try best to ignore the urges by doing some new activity preferably smt out doors like gardening and spend more time with you family (man just touch grass kinda)
Exercise, manual labour, a hobby?
Get a dumb phone? That will limit access to social media and the internet. Start going to the gym will help with your obesity and depression and blood pressure. Then maybe start cooking for the family, or make it an event for you and your wife/kids to do together. When all this takes up the time in your day, youâre left with less time for vices all while building a stronger bond and healthier habits with the family.
I would suggest this simple thing that helped me with my phone.
Also donât give up. You changing your behaviour can cause your family to have different reactions. For example, if you become more involved with teenagers they might not want that but just because itâs the age etc.
Talk to a specialist about porn addiction.
Good luck!
Tell your wife and get counseling. You can do it. It starts with the will to become better. Turn your phone off at a certain time and stop going on social media. Replace it with reading and spending time with your family. Youâve got this.
You literally need help. Just being real
You got this mate
One thing at a time
Build quiet, healthy habits.
Just walk. No headphones. Suddenly your brain has a break and youâll think more clearly and with a greater sense of pride.
Maybe get involved with your kids in their sport/activities.
It will get better.
I think you should talk to a professional about your porn addiction and depression. I would also talk to your wife about wanting to improve your relationship with her and your kid; even if you donât know how to do that right now, Iâm sure it would mean a lot to hear that.
Practically, you can start investing in your self care practices. Go on walks (bring your wife) and keep up your hygiene.
You must seek help