I’m married. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and married for 5. When I met this friend four years ago, I met through a mutual friend. She’s always known me as married. She wasn’t a part of my life when I was single.
She however is single. She’s had two breakups in the past 4 years.
But for some reason, she always finds the need to let me know EVERY single time she gets hit on my a guy. And mind you, this always comes after she’s posted provocative pictures, went out of her way to suggest she wants attention etc.
“OMG this guys just hit on me”
“OMG did you see? He said I’m beautiful.”
“OMG he said I have a nice body”
“OMG look! This guy said he wants me”
“Everyone just wants to have *** with me”
And then saying things like “why does every guy want me?”
“I’m beautiful and intelligent. I’ll never be with anyone. I’m happy the way I am and enough for myself. I want to single for the rest of my life”
“I can never be with someone. I’ll never share my life with anyone”
I’ve also noticed that sometimes when we’re out and and somebody tries to have a conversation with me (general conversation. Nothing flirty even) she steps in right away and says “she’s married by the way. I’m single”
And a lot of times when we’re out and someone says something to her like “you’re gorgeous.” Or “I like your outfit”
Literally after we walk away she asks “what did he say? Did you hear him? I didn’t catch that”
almost making sure that I did hear her getting complimented?
But when it happens with me she’s the first to turn around and pretend she didn’t hear anything lol. Although I don’t ask her to confirm like she does with me.
Anyways how do I tell this friend politely that I know what she’s doing and I’m really not interested whether she gets hit on or not. I’m happy with my husband and I’m not insecure or even remotely jealous about missing out on “compliments” from random men.
Lemme add one more thing (sorry this is so long)
Others have noticed the same about her. Although I will say, she does have a way to target everyone based on their individual circumstances as well. For example my husband is average height. He isn’t like 6ft tall but he isn’t on the shorter side either. Just average. (I don’t go for outer looks or appearance. Rather what’s on the inside) she however, whenever gets hit on or whatever also says things like “oh and he’s tall”
Heck we once went to a haunted house during Halloween and this “actor” at the haunted house said something like “I’m not going to let you pass from here” you know how these things are if you’ve ever been to one and she literally said “omg he didn’t let me go. I wouldn’t mind staying there with him. He’s tall too”
Like okay? Then justifies it saying “being tall is just my type. I love tall men” but at the same time says “she wants to remain single all her life and doesn’t see herself sharing her life with anyone because she’s too good for anyone and no man is ever going to be good enough for her”….? Girl make up your mind. Ugh.
I don’t see the correlation there LMFAOOO!
Mind you she’s actually only 5ft tall so I don’t think she out of everyone should be talking about heights here, idk just my opinion.
Another thing I’d like to talk to her about but she’s so sensitive… idk how to, she recently got a “big girl job”.
Up until now she would always tell me how she goes to “ross”, “Burlington” or thrift stores to do her shopping.
I DONT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I AM NOT JUDGING HERE FYI.
But she’d just tell me about how she shops at these places but never mentioned any price tags before from any of these places. Neither did she ever mention a brand name from these places.
She’d say things like “I was at Ross and found a cute pink top with puffy sleeves”
Anyways after she got this “big girl job” recently, she’s very clearly started sending me screenshots almost everyday, photos and order receipts from places she has started shipping at. These clothes ranging in the higher $100’s per item. Sometimes more.
She started saying things like “omg, I was at the mall and I went to “NAME OF A LUXURY STORE” and got this pair of pants that were for “PRICE” and even though I didn’t need them, I got them cause why not”
Even if she goes to places like nordstrom where they have several different brands she makes sure to mention brand names and price tags now.
Now, I don’t care whether someone wears a $5 T-shirt or a $500 T-shirt. I really don’t. I’ve grown up around money and I’ve never felt the need to mention any price tag or anything of that sort to anyone.
She’s started mentioning things like “ugh I stopped at Ross today because my mom wanted to and I literally didn’t find anything there.”
Or “I don’t even shop at burlington anymore. I”m happy with my “brand name” top”
This one time we were at the mall and I was feeling a bit cold so I said “oooh I’m cold I should’ve kept a sweater” and she replied “really? I’m pretty warm in my “brand name” full sleeved body suit”
Like okay??
Even if I talk about an article of clothing I bought that I really like, I say things like “ooh, I was out the other day and saw this really cute summer dress at the mall. (I don’t even mention the name of the store lol) It’s like pink and has a floral print. Its cute”
I’ve been told her things like “I don’t think price matters when you like something or when something is good” but I don’t think she gets the cue.
How do I tell her politely that I really don’t care for the price. I’m happy she’s making good money and is able to afford pricey things but my friendship with someone is never based on what one can afford and what one can’t?
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She’s insecure and I see no point in calling her out. I’d reconsider being friends with her, what if she get’s it in her head to see if your husband wants her. Who knows the lengths she’ll go to feed her ego. Nah.
Serious question for context: why are you friends with this person? You haven’t mentioned a single positive thing about her.
My guess…..she’s insanely insecure and miserable in her life. She’s too “loud” about loving being single. She needs constant validation on her appearance because she has no personality to go with it. She doesn’t like it when you get complimented or talked to because it completely invalidates her only self worth. Good luck with a friend like that. Don’t ever let her start tearing you down to build herself up.
ETA: forgot to answer your question. You can try telling her how you feel or that you know what she’s doing, but I highly doubt it’s going to change anything. Maybe just ask if everything’s ok in her life and remind her she has more going for her than just what she thinks guys look for.
You are mistaken— this has absolutely nothing to do with you or the fact you are married. It isn’t about you missing out on comments; almost the opposite.
This is self soothing behavior for her — she absolutely craves the validation of others. She is trying extremely hard to convince others, most especially herself, that she is desired.
This girl is extremely insecure. If I were you, I’d keep her at a distance…..
She might be the most insecure person on the planet
Why would you subject yourself to this woman? She sounds exhausting.
My lady friends and I all lift each other up, and are each others’ most adamant cheerleaders. Find you some friends like that instead of someone that self obsessed and insecure! She needs therapy, but you can’t make her get it.
Insecure and obviously jealous of you. I wouldn’t be friends with this person.
She sounds insufferable. And yes she’s trying to convince herself most of all.
Ahhh…I used to have a friend like this. Used to, being the key words. She got exhausting and I no longer found the time we spent together valuable or even worth my time. She’d make comments like “I can get any guy I want” and “I know all the right things to say to get a guy because I was a bartender.” Um okay then.
I didn’t like hanging out with her after a while, and stopped being available to meet up. Similar to your situation, she’d dominate conversations if someone tried to talk to me and not her. A mutual friend legit said “I’m trying to talk to her, not you” and she got very dramatic at that point.
Anyways, I never called her out. I eventually met my now husband and we/I distanced ourselves from her. She made me uncomfortable when she said she could get my husband if she wanted – hard stop there. I’m unsure if she realized what she did and the ramifications from it.
I’d suggest doing something similar. She’s not the type of friend you want, as I doubt she’d be there for you if you needed her, nor is it any fun being around someone who needs that type of attention.
She sounds exhausting! Why are you friends with a life sucker like that?
She sounds extremely insecure. And annoying.
My married neighbors like that. She comes over to flash my brother and my son her boobs when she knows they are visiting. I just shake my head and go about what I was doing. It’s for attention. It’s sad. So so sad.
She’s the type of a gal that most good guys try to avoid. She also fuels the negative stereotype for women.
She’s vapid insecure and shallow. The real question is why are you friends with someone like this
I think we all have that friend that can never let you be the center of attention. It’s always got to be about them no matter what it is . However, If you like her company enough, and wanna continue hanging out with her, when she says “he said that I…”, just turn, look at her and say “oh that’s nice”and leave it at that. if she asks, “did you hear what he said to me”, say “oh no I wasn’t really paying attention”. It takes the owners off of you from having to respond and puts it squarely back in her lap, to be her own personal fan club of one.
Just slow fade away from this person. She is toxic and bonkers. I can’t fathom anyone tolerating such exhausting commentary about one’s self.
You don’t tell her anything. Just let the relationship fizzle. She sounds exhausting and not a good friend. Why waste your time with someone like that?
Why are you friends with such a POS. She’s insecure and jealous and things will never get any better. Ask me how I know. I was friends with somebody in high school that everyone said was the “mean girl” but she was nice to me so I overlooked her flaws. Well, fast forward 2 decades or so and we reconnected. Turns out she was married to a guy with a lot of money and they had 2 kids. I thought that maybe she’d changed and stopped being so unhappy finally. Nope. She was somehow even worse and was now beyond snobby to boot as a result of her husband’s money.
This person is not your friend. She views you as the competition. A competition you never asked for or agreed to. If I was in your shoes, I’d run and never look back. This person isn’t a friend.
People like that are exhausting. Glad you stepped away. She seems insecure and has main character syndrome.
She sounds very insecure. Do you think she’s ever wrote anything mean like this about you?
You’ve outgrown this friend, or you never really were meant to be friends in the first place. I’d stop doing stuff with her if I were you. You could try bringing other people into the mix, that could help dilute her need for constant reassurance. Sounds exhausting, the way she needs to find affirmation about every little thing, but then doesn’t reciprocate at all.
Your friend is insecure and has low self worth so confronting her will not yield a positive outcome. My only suggestion is to be more blunt in those moments when she’s seeking validation. When she brags about expensive clothing counter with, “My husband and I have been aggressively saving more. Spending in this economy is bonkers.” Regarding men, “I’m so glad I found a great guy to marry. I feel badly for unpartnered people dealing with modern dating.” Clothing wise…”Nordstroms quality isn’t what it used to be.” “That top wouldn’t work for me, it’s too gawdy.” Big girl job…”most people I know don’t make big purchases within a year of starting a job. Not until job security has been established.”
You don’t have to be mean, just be more contrarian. It’s okay to let her know there’s a core divergence in your spending habits and marital status. Lastly, while subtle, it sounds like she’s jealous that you have a committed marriage and all of the securities it offers. Don’t let her neg you. Good luck, OP
I don’t think you should say anything to her. Just change the subject. When she ask you what someone said, say idk I wasn’t paying attention. If you dislike it that much, distance yourself. You don’t have to be close friends or friends at all if you don’t want