I 30/F, feel completely unsupported by my partner 26/F. We’ve been together for four years. I work full time, am currently working on immigration paperwork for US to settle into another country, and am studying for a certification. I’m also working on setting up a side hustle to earn more money. She works nights, typically one to two per week. She just graduated with a master’s degree but doesn’t know how she wants to use it.
At home, I do most of the cleaning, which isn’t much for a one room studio, but I also clean up after my partner. I pick up clumps of her hair, throw away food containers containing smelly waste (think kimchi left out for hours), and clean the bathroom (she hates this chore, so she doesn’t do it). I’ve talked to her about how I’m overwhelmed and that there’s too much on my plate. I don’t feel like my love language is taken into account either, and I’ve tried to express how I feel unloved and unsupported.
My partner says she understands and will do better, but nothing is changing. I’m still taking on all the responsibility, and I don’t have free time while she often takes trips abroad without me. She’s smart, funny, and a good person, but I feel so alone when it comes to doing what needs to be done. I’m getting resentful.
It’s also worth noting that I have autoimmune disease which causes chronic pain, nausea, mobility issues, and fatigue. This definitely takes a toll on my ability to tolerate conflict and handle my mental load.
What can I do to explain how I feel beyond what I’ve said already? Do you have any advice for how to make sure work is shared evenly?
TLDR: I’ve got to much work and put more effort into my relationship. How can I even things out?