I (30F) have been married to my husband (33M) for 3 years. We’re both Christians, and we’ve been delaying having kids to focus on our careers. On the surface, we have a good marriage. He’s kind, patient, responsible, and he spoils me. He does house chores with me, listens when I talk, doesn’t get angry easily, and he’s a good provider. He’s a bit emotionally reserved, but I’ve always thought I was okay with that. Physically, he’s on the shorter/thinner side but still handsome in his own way.
But the truth is… I don’t know if I love him anymore.
I don’t even know if I ever did.
On the day we got married, I had serious hesitation. I couldn’t point to a specific reason, but I felt uncertain. I still went through with it — partly out of pressure, partly out of fear of the inconvenience of backing out. I regret not listening to my gut that day.
Now, I find myself emotionally drawn to other people really easily. I’ve cheated twice — emotionally and physically. He knows something happened, but I never told him the full story. He said he forgave me, and we moved on without digging deeper. I carry a lot of guilt about that, but also… confusion. Why did I do it? Why do I keep feeling like I want out?
I don’t have someone else right now, but I still have this strong urge to leave my marriage. I can’t tell if I’m chasing something new or running away from something real.
For context: I’m an ENTJ, he’s an INTJ. I don’t know if that dynamic plays into it, but I feel like we’re mismatched somehow. He’s not doing anything wrong. In fact, he’s a good man. I just feel disconnected — not just from him, but from the whole life we’ve built.
I don’t know what I’m asking for exactly. I just needed to say it somewhere.
Maybe someone’s been in a similar place?
TL;DR:
Married for 3 years to a good man (33M) who treats me well, but I (30F) had doubts on our wedding day and now feel emotionally disconnected. I’ve cheated twice, feel guilty, but also feel like I want to leave — even though there’s no one else right now. I don’t know if I ever truly loved him. Just needed to get this off my chest.
Comments
sounds like you married someone that your gut put in the friend zone since the beginning. even without the cheating i think you already know what comes next. just a matter of when you actually want to rip the band aid off i guess.
You cheated. Move on. Let him be so that he can find someone.
OP it’s clear that you’re done with the relationship and on some level your husband knows that you’re not into him physically. But please OP the whole truth would devastate him. I don’t know if you really should tell him that you were never into him sexually or romantically. If I were you I would tell him that you slowly fell out of love with him but didn’t have the gumption to end it so you’ve cheated. He doesn’t need to hear the whole truth. Just take being the bad guy bullet and leave. You clearly have no interest in upholding the wedding vows and it’s more fair to the both of you to go out and try to meet people who are mutually into you.
If you had any semblance of a conscience, you would leave this man immediately. He doesn’t deserve you at all. So many others would kill to be in your position. But you know what. When you leave him, the universe will reward you instantly bc now you get all the freedom you desire and have the chance to actually be with someone you love. At that point.. it’s a win-win situation. What’s stopping you? Do you want to keep ignoring your gut until you make a big mistake again and have children? He doesn’t deserve you. He can do better. And you can do better too (whatever that word means to you).
you are not happy and you are not in love. he deserves to be with someone who loves him and you dont. you deserve to be with someone you love and you dont have that. you are not feeling it. thats ok but you have to call the thing off because it only hurts both of you.