30M here, been with my partner (30F) for 10 years. No kids. We live at her mom’s house, which has basically been our default for years. I’m looking for advice or insight on how to move forward in a relationship when every attempt to discuss change or the future gets emotionally shut down.
She’s on heavy medication for bipolar disorder and depression, which affects both her libido and her energy levels. She’s very lethargic most days, often naps for hours and averages about 15 hours of sleep per day. We have sex about once a week, but when I ask for more intimacy—whether physical or emotional—it usually ends in tears or I get blamed for being “demanding.”
We have a combined income of around $130-140k (I make about $110k), so finances aren’t the main reason we’re still living with her mom. She says she wants to stay to take care of her, which I do understand, but I also feel like it’s become a crutch to avoid moving out and facing life beyond the comfort zone. We’re not married and any talk about future plans—moving out, marriage, building a life together—gets shut down or turns into a tense, emotional argument.
I love her and want to support her, but after a decade together, I’m starting to feel like I’m standing still.
My question is: how do you build a future or even have a real conversation about one when your partner is emotionally overwhelmed by any mention of change or long-term planning? Has anyone else navigated this kind of situation, and how did you move forward—either together or apart?
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TL;DR:
30M/30F, together 10 years, no kids, living with her mom despite earning $130-140k combined (I make $110k). She’s on heavy meds for bipolar/depression, sleeps ~15 hrs/day, and avoids conversations about moving out, marriage, or increasing emotional/physical intimacy. I feel stuck and don’t know how to move forward when everything gets emotionally shut down. Looking for advice from anyone who’s been through something similar.