I (30M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for 6 months. She’s currently on a 19 day solo trip through Bogotá (Colombia), Quito (Ecuador) and Cartagena (Colombia).
When she was in Bogotá, she’d tell me a lot about her days, who she met, where she went, the little details. Since she got to Ecuador, her updates have gotten vague. Example: I asked what she did all day, she just said “walking.” Another time, “went to church.” That’s basically it. If I gently push for more, she gets defensive and says she already told me, even though she barely gave any context.
I’m not asking for a play by play, but I think in a relationship it’s fair to expect some transparency. At least enough that I know she’s safe and I feel connected. Right now it feels like I’m pulling teeth to know what’s going on.
On top of that, I noticed she followed a guy she met while traveling, and he followed her back. She hasn’t mentioned him. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe just travel friends, but added to the vagueness, it raises questions.
My question: For those who’ve been in relationships while one partner travels solo, how much communication and openness is normal to expect? Does this level of vagueness sound like a problem, or just something I should accept as part of solo travel?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Ask her about him. Say oh I noticed you’re following NAME – is he someone you just met? How are things going?? Anything I should know about?
Whenever I’ve been dating someone, and they’ve been away, I typically hear from them every day. Sorry but she’s not thinking about you right now. She’s enjoying her trip. Hold off until she gets back and I think you’ll know what the deal is. I don’t think you’re feeling this way for no reason but maybe wait until you can talk to her properly
She’s not solo at night buddy.
Did you talk about how much updating is expected beforehand? Different couples have different dynamics. I dated someone where we established that once a day is fine or if she’s going someplace where there’s bad signal, it will be as soon as she’s able to.
I’ve also been the one who traveled solo while my partner was at home and I felt like I had to be responsible for calming her anxieties by over communicating. But I was fine with that, knowing she’s been cheated on before by her exes.
Anyway, I think it’s normal to feel anxious at times like this. But you should also trust your partner and learn how to self soothe, otherwise your anxiety might show up as jealousy or some other ugly emotion and that can feel suffocating for the person on the other side.
Solo trip yeah no she not single
Try to nudge the conversation to that direction. Ask something like “Oh, did you make any friends on the trip?”, her reaction would at least tells you if it’s something she kept as a secret purposefully or not
Though, it’s not a sure thing if she cheated or not. She could very well just want to enjoy the moments
Updateme!