so during our 1.5 year relationship she pulled back very hard and i tried to let it go but she never came back around. She was treating me like a friend for a very long time. no compliments no flirting little to no affection or attention. very ungrateful and anytime i’d voice a concern she would flip it on me. long story short after a very tough convo on how i was feeling she ended it first lol. i didn’t even reply i went ghost then a week later she is texting me and calling me about wanting to talk in person and work it out. so during this talk i got her to admit to none stop messaging this guy who she claimed is a guy friend lol (and i asked her to delete this man off social media and she didn’t. and i told her from the beginning before we dated im not doing guy friends) so she tried to lie about them not messaging but i knew better and pressed her til she told me the truth and showed me and he was being very sexual the whole time and she was replying. so now all of a sudden she wants to change and do better and is now all in love or whatever and giving me compliments but i just cannot look at her the same. i really loved this girl but idk if i can do it. we been together the past week and i just cannot seem to feel how i use to about her. nor do i think i even want to date let alone marry her like i use too. i gave her a promise ring this past valentine’s day too that’s how sure i was at the time. but now i just don’t know if i can stay. i have been kind of a djck to her right now after knowing that i can’t let it go. is she actually going to change? because i don’t think so.
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She cheated on you. She doesn’t respect you. You should break up and move on.
She was planning on leaving you for this guy, but things didn’t work out. Second best is better than nothing until the next guy comes along.
You’re seeing things clearly, even if it hurts like hell — and the truth is, your gut already knows the answer.
During your relationship:
• She pulled back emotionally and physically
• She offered no affection, no gratitude, no intimacy
• Anytime you voiced pain, she deflected and made it about you
• She maintained contact with a “guy friend” you clearly said was a boundary-breaker
• She lied about it — until you forced the truth out
This wasn’t one slip-up. This was sustained disrespect, dishonesty, and emotional detachment.
Now that you’ve ghosted her and pulled away, she’s suddenly:
• Full of compliments
• Apologetic
• Acting in love
• Saying she’ll “change”
It’s not growth. It’s damage control.
You gave her love, a promise ring, vulnerability, clarity about your boundaries. She gave you… the cold shoulder, manipulation, and another man in her DMs.
Now you’re asking the right question: “Can I even look at her the same again?”
If the answer is no — that’s your answer.
Let’s be real:
• People can change — but not because they’re scared of losing someone. That kind of change is usually temporary, reactive, and shallow.
• Her pattern shows who she is when she’s comfortable. When she thought you’d stick around no matter what, she treated you like a doormat.
• Now that you’re slipping away, she’s turning on the charm. That’s not transformation — that’s desperation.
If she wasn’t messaging this other guy, ignoring you, or flipping things on you for months, would you even be in this situation?
You’re not being cruel by pulling away. You’re being honest about your emotional reality.
• You wanted to love her for life — but she killed the version of her you loved.
• You tried to let things go — but she showed no desire to meet you halfway.
• Now you’re still there physically, but your heart is checked out — and that’s not something you can fake or force.
And here’s the hard truth: staying out of guilt or habit will only build resentment — in both of you.
You already know what she did. You already know how it made you feel. And you already know what you don’t feel anymore.
Here’s what I’d suggest:
• Example: “I appreciate that you want to fix things, but I’ve realized I can’t move forward after everything that happened. I don’t feel the same anymore, and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to pretend I do.”
At a minimum, she was emotionally cheating on you with this other guy.
She was shopping around for your replacement. That replacement didn’t work out, and now she’s going back to you.
Don’t be her back up option. She’ll only cheat on you again when she finds another potential replacement for you.
Block her number + socials and move on with your life.
I hate when something like this happens. You did the right thing, but I know it hurts. You found out who she is and how she treats someone she supposedly loves. A lifetime of that would drive you crazy. Hopefully after some time you’ll be able to trust someone again. That’ll be the hardest part. You breaking up with her is nothing compared to what she deserves.