My thoughts are a bit scattered as I write this, but I’ll try to lay them out as clearly as I can. This is about me (30M) and my partner (30F). We’ve officially been in a relationship since May, so about 2.5 months now, but we’ve been talking since January. We live in different cities, and I’m usually the one traveling to see her, staying for 2–3 weeks at a time.
Lately, I’ve been waking up feeling anxious and unrested. She’s constantly on my mind, along with a few things that have been bothering me:
- I’m usually the one initiating visits to her place, and I’ve started to feel like I might be imposing. I was hoping for more mutual excitement, more spontaneity. I thought she’d be eager for me to visit, maybe even insist on it sometimes. But instead of feeling wanted, I feel like I’m seeking permission rather than being invited.
- It sometimes feels like I’m dating two different versions of her. When we’re together, she’s affectionate, attentive, even a bit clingy, and I really love that. She makes me blush, makes me feel special and cared for.But when we’re apart, things feel different. We schedule our calls, and while she’s free to reach out anytime, I hesitate to call her because I don’t know her schedule and don’t want to intrude. Over texts and calls, she feels distant, less affectionate. I don’t feel desired in the same way, and that contrast is hard to sit with.
I understand that she might be setting boundaries and prioritizing her well-being, and I genuinely respect that. I don’t have an issue with it in principle. But emotionally, I find myself becoming more and more attached to her. I know I need to accept what she’s able to give, but part of me still longs for that spontaneity, that sense of being actively desired.
She has a solid circle of friends she spends time with. And she is comfortable spending time by herself. Meanwhile, I don’t really have anyone in this city. I think that’s making me lean on her more than I should. I’m doing my best to stay busy by going on walks, watching movies, and focusing on work, but she’s always on my mind. I can’t seem to shake the image of her, or stop replaying little moments we’ve shared.
And that brings me to the questions I keep turning over in my head:
How do I stop obsessing over how many days are left until I see her?
How do I get a grip on these thoughts and emotions?
How do I grow into someone who not only supports her and the relationship, but also takes care of myself in the process?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.