[31F] My childhood best friend [31F] repeatedly shared personal details about me with someone I explicitly asked her not to talk to. When I kindly confronted her, she responded coldly and dismissively.

TLDR:
My lifelong best friend (31F) broke my trust multiple times by sharing private details about my personal life and my job with a man I’d explicitly asked her never to share anything with. She casually revealed this to me, seemingly expecting sympathy for her own discomfort rather than recognizing her betrayal. When I kindly confronted her, she responded dismissively, without apology. Now I’m seriously considering ending the friendship.

This situation involves me (31F) and my best friend, who we’ll call Sarah (31F). Sarah and I have known each other since we were around 12, and despite living in different countries now (she moved overseas, outside of Europe, in 2020), we’ve always stayed close through frequent calls, messages, and visits. She usually spends summers here in Europe for about two to three months, and I typically fly out to visit her once a year for about two weeks.

Important background for context:
My career is a central part of my life. I’m a civil engineer and I genuinely pour a lot of time, effort, and passion into my job. However, over the past year, my work environment has become pretty stressful, primarily due to a new manager I haven’t gotten along with. Many of my colleagues have resigned because of similar frustrations, making the situation feel increasingly hopeless. As a result, I’ve spent most of this year actively job searching, going to numerous interviews, and feeling emotionally drained throughout the entire process.

Exactly one week ago, I finally secured a new job at a place I’m genuinely excited about. Landing this position felt like a huge relief and a significant personal milestone, something I’d been desperately hoping for. Because it’s still very new, I’ve only shared the news with my immediate family and one or two close friends. In fact, I haven’t even told my own father yet. I have a three-month notice period and won’t be starting the new job until October.

I chose to tell Sarah because she’s my closest friend, she’s currently visiting Europe, and we’ve always openly shared our lives with each other. I gave her details about the new company and explained clearly why I was leaving my current job.

More context on the individuals involved:
Between approximately 2008 and 2015, Sarah and I were close friends with two sisters, we’ll call them Emma and Lisa. As we grew older, Emma and Lisa became incredibly negative people, spending hours talking negatively about others, even random neighbors or people from their distant past. Eventually, both Sarah and I distanced ourselves from them because of their constant negativity and gossip. I’ve made a lot of other friends from that time period to now trough university, jobs etc, while Sarah haven’t.

Emma and Lisa’s parents were always around when we hung out as teenagers, so their parents, particularly their father, let’s call him Steve, know exactly who I am. Steve has always been a big gossip himself, often participating in negative conversations and even making others uncomfortable with his intrusive questions and behavior. While I loved their late mother (may she rest in peace), Steve always made me feel uneasy. Since distancing myself around 2015, I haven’t had any contact with their family apart from attending their mother’s funeral last year out of respect.

Sarah, however, recently rekindled her friendship with Emma and Lisa, primarily because their families are still close friends. Sarah’s parents, especially her dad, regularly spend time with Steve. I’ve always found it strange that Sarah chooses to reconnect with Emma and Lisa whenever she’s in Europe because she openly agrees with me that they’re negative and draining. However, since Sarah doesn’t have many close friends other than me, and all three of them (Emma, Lisa, Sarah) now have children, I’ve assumed she maintains this connection primarily for convenience and company during her visits, letting the children play together and talking about “mom-stuff.”

The previous incident:
In 2021, when I was working as a consultant for a governmental organization, Sarah shared personal details about me with Steve, telling him that I wasn’t happy at my job (which was true, but I never wanted this private information shared with him). Steve then casually mentioned this to another mutual acquaintance, let’s call her Mia, who immediately contacted me and was confused about how Steve knew such private details about me. I felt deeply betrayed and hurt. I confronted Sarah right away, clearly and kindly telling her never to share anything about my life again with Steve or his family. Sarah knows exactly about the uneasy feeling I have with their whole family, due to their gossiping and bad mouthing people. Sarah apologized sincerely, and I believed she understood my boundaries clearly.

Fast forward to what happened a few days ago:
Sarah is currently visiting Europe, and sent me a long voice message, sharing in detail about a “traumatic and uncomfortable experience” she had while out shopping at a mall with her father. Unexpectedly, Steve joined them and apparently asked Sarah very intrusive and inappropriate questions about me, questions about my work situation, my love life (whether I was single or had a boyfriend), and even details about my sister’s personal life.

Sarah described this encounter vividly, clearly wanting me to sympathize with how uncomfortable Steve had made her feel. In the middle of her message, almost casually, Sarah mentioned how Steve asked if I still worked at the same job. Sarah laughed nervously in the voice note and said something like:

“I thought maybe he already knew something, haha, so I couldn’t lie. I ended up telling him you’re about to change jobs and that you’ll be working for [name of new company], because your current job was too far away and you weren’t happy there anymore. Then he asked if you’re single, and I said yes… she has a dog but yeah she’s single.. honestly, it was so uncomfortable.”

When I listened to this, I felt shocked, betrayed, and completely confused. I couldn’t understand why Sarah would openly share such deeply personal and fresh information, especially after I’d explicitly told her not to talk about my life with Steve or his family.

My immediate reaction:
At first, I responded kindly, mostly focusing on comforting Sarah about how uncomfortable Steve had made her. But afterward, reflecting deeper on what she’d done, I felt very uneasy and decided to clearly restate my boundaries. In another voice note, still polite and gentle, I said clearly:

“Sarah, please don’t share anything about my life with Steve or his daughters. This news about my job is extremely fresh, it’s only been a week, and I haven’t even told my dad or all my friends yet. If they ever ask again, please just tell them I’m still at my old job. If they ever find out otherwise, let them find out naturally, not from you. I’d really appreciate it if you respected this.”

Sarah’s reply to this message:
She didn’t apologize. She didn’t acknowledge my feelings or boundaries at all. Instead, she sent me a single, cold, dismissive text:

“Okay, I won’t say anything, even if they ask.”

No apology. No sense of accountability. Just passive aggressiveness and irritation that I’d even brought it up. We haven’t talked at all since she sent that text.

And also, “even if they ask”? Of course even if the ask, because I assume you wouldn’t voluntarily start to talk about be without them asking?! I think her answer is what made me extremely disappointed and also pissed off. The work thing is a sensitive topic for me right now, but I of course don’t want that family to know anything about my love life either.

I honestly feel disgusted and deeply hurt. I’m beginning to realize Sarah sent that original voice message primarily to receive sympathy and support from me about her uncomfortable experience with Steve, not because she genuinely felt bad about breaking my trust or wanted to come clean. Her casual tone and lack of apology made it obvious she saw nothing wrong in revealing my personal details and expected me, as usual, to comfort her. These people are the last people on earth I want in my business. I can’t even describe how negative and gossipy they are. They have nothing going on in their lives, and love to talk about other peoples lives.

This betrayal has left me questioning our entire friendship. Sarah is now 31, yet she doesn’t seem to understand basic boundaries or accountability. This isn’t about petty drama for me, it’s about trust, respect, and basic emotional intelligence in an adult friendship. I’m now seriously considering cutting ties with her, as I no longer feel safe sharing anything personal with her.

I’m begging to realize she’s the type of person that wants to be the one sharing “new information” about other peoples lives. Especially to this family, that I know still obsesses over me and my sister since we’ve made a career for ourselves and cut ties with them years ago.

I would appreciate any advice or perspective from others who’ve dealt with similar situations? As I mentioned it’s been completely quiet between us since she sent that text.