Hello. Going to be honest here and say some things I’ve never said to anyone. I’m 32 and I’ve never had a boyfriend or been on an actual date. I lost my virginity spur of the moment with a random hookup at 18. Shortly after I was seeing my grade school crush but it wasn’t an actual relationship and he soon left me when we would have to go long distance. All of my relationships with men have been purely sexual with them not wanting anything to do with me outside of that. And I’ve always been chill and ok with it. I never got hit on when younger. Never got asked to the school dance. Do I think I’m ugly? Yeah tbh. Large forehead. Wide nose and a gap in my teeth. Plus at 5’6 I’m 220 lbs. but the confusing thing is I see women with that are way larger and kinda having a similar look to me get boyfriends. I live in LA anyone that’s ever swiped right on me has just wanted a quick hookup. I once went out with a very obese man and he actually told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. Guys in my “league” or out of it tend to just not want me. Is my only option losing weight? I’m starting to but I’m turning 33 next month and I’m really just tired of being alone my entire life. If I were to die today I would have never had a boyfriend or even been on an actual romantic date. Idk what to do.
32 year old single woman who doesn’t want to be single
r/Advice
Comments
Hey, first up, big hugs. You’re being super tough on yourself and trust me, the world does enough of that for us already, no need to pile on! Looks aren’t everything, but self-confidence IS a big deal. Your feelings about your appearance might be affecting your outlook more than you realize. Even “ugly” people find love when they’re happy and confident with themselves. Maybe start putting work into feeling good about yourself first before worrying so much about a relationship? Also, don’t compare yourself with others, everyone’s journey is different. Take a breath babe, you’ve got time, it’s gonna be okay. 💛
Why do you want to be in a relationship?
Is it just because you haven’t? Don’t feel value or purpose on your own?
Getting in shape is objectively the simplest (although can be hard) thing to do for getting in the door/creating opportunities in life. Like all around. It’s a very good growth experience actually, you’ll learn a lot about yourself.
You obviously can get sex if you want. Is it actual intimacy you want because…? Why?
There’s tons more to life than looks.
you gotta skip the hookups if you want a real date. let a man take you out to dinner and make conversation. you’re a single 32 year old woman with no kids. there are FOR SURE men who want to date you, but you cant be listing yourself as available for hookups or that’s all you’re gonna get.
I can’t tell from this post but it’s not just weight. Like you said, overweight people can get relationships.
I think, you really have to ask yourself what you offer in a relationship. Everyone wants a partner that makes their life better. Sex/attraction is like the greese that keeps the wheel spinning, but it’s not the kenetic energy that really drives the wheel.
I think losing weight will help with two things, it will get you more options or chances, and it will improve your confidence. But it won’t build or sustain a relationship for you
Hey, honestly, dating in LA sounds like a mess. Forget about what you think you should be and just focus on finding someone who’s into you. There’s someone out there who’ll dig your forehead, nose, and gap-toothed smile. Seriously! Don’t give up
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Too much negativity. Obviously i dont know you but youre hating on yourself so much. If you want to lose weight and get healthier, do it for yourself, not because you want to be in a relationship. Start with a positive mindset and do things that will have a positive impact on yourself. You will notice, you will start to attract the things that are meant to stay. Keep your chin up girl
I can relate quite a bit. I’d say I’m somewhat attractive, not super hot but kind of cute. Never been in a relationship either, I’m picky with friends and especially partners.
The best advice I have, is sadly… to love yourself. I’m working on it myself. Doing things like envisioning yourself in a relationship, not your dream relationship but the relationship you are likely to get. If you are like me and that leaves you feeling like you’re still missing something, try to provide for yourself.
Also, other forms of self love can also help, if you get what I’m saying…
Have you had someone look at your online dating profiles? Just to give you some feedback on how to make them better? There are lots of subs on Reddit where you can post your photos and get feedback.
Other than that, I recommend not sleeping with a partner too quickly. That will weed out the “only in it for the sex” crew. It doesn’t have to be a long time. Even just a few dates can help with that.
Other than that, I’d recommend downloading the meetup app and going to events in your area for things you enjoy. That way you can meet people in a low-stress environment and make friends – which may lead to something more.. not necessarily with the person, but within their birder social circle.
There are plenty of men who love a curvy woman.. so I don’t think that’s your problem.
This is gonna sound harsh and I want to be clear that I’m saying this to answer your question and not to be mean or anything like that.
It is almost certainly a personality thing, not a looks thing.
Again, I’m genuinely trying to help, not be mean. I don’t know you and have no motivations other than to provide advice.
My advice, then, is to do some introspection: Are you fun to be around? Engaging? Good company?
Or are you a drag? Entitled? Super opinionated about every single thing, no matter its importance? (I will also consider hygiene a personality flaw, not a looks flaw, since hygiene can be taken care of, but choosing not to or neglecting to is a personality flaw in and of itself.)
If you want, I’m open to communicating via DM if you have specific questions or want to go into a more in-depth discussion on this. (Disclosure: I’m married 13 years and not trying to date or hook up with you.)
Hey, y’know what? Screw leagues. We ain’t in the MLB. Everyone’s just trying to figure stuff out. You wanna lose weight? Go for it, but do it for YOU, not some rando’s approval. Confidence can be a game-changer, trust me. Big forehead? Own it, ever heard of Rihanna? Remember, it’s all about attitude and self-love. When you start to love yourself, people around you will too. So put on some Lizzo, keep grinding, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not enough. Because, sis, you’re more than enough. And p.s, LA is not the world.
😢
Lose weight if it makes you happier and confident in yourself other then that try other men if maybe your going for a specific type be open with it