We’ve been together five months. He’s a captain, older than me, and at the top of his career. He’s reached the place he’s been working toward for decades. Now he wants something real. Stable. A wife. And he strongly believes I’m that person. We had a very passionate beginning where we connected on levels I’ve never reached with anyone.
He calls me his crown jewel. Tells me I’m what was missing. I’ve met his whole family — his brother, sister, even attended a funeral with them. I know his friends, we’ve had dinners, shared holidays. He includes me in everything. When he’s home, he’s warm, present, engaged. When he’s away, he still makes the effort — quick calls between flights, voice notes from hotel rooms, little check-ins that let me know I’m not forgotten. I feel his love. I believe in it.
He’s told me no one has ever seen him the way I do. That I hold up a mirror he’s never really faced. Sometimes it unsettles him, but he stays close.
Still, I can’t shake this quiet feeling. Like I’m living a vivid, full-color life when we’re together… and then slipping into grayscale when he’s gone. I have my own life. I’m independent. I keep myself busy. But it feels like everything meaningful is paused until he’s back. I disconnect from him when he’s gone because I have to, and reconnect when he’s here. That shift is exhausting. It doesn’t come naturally.
When he’s here, everything flows. There’s laughter, connection, shared plans. Even talk of marriage. But when he leaves, I start shrinking — not out of fear, just practicality. I stop asking for things. I don’t voice my needs. I adjust because I know what his schedule is like. I want to be easy to return to.
And yet, I wonder if in all this adjusting, I’m letting small parts of myself fade. Not in obvious ways, but slowly. Quietly. Like I’m becoming part of someone else’s dream life and losing my own shape inside it.
He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s present, kind, loyal. But I do sometimes wonder — for someone so focused and driven, am I the missing piece he genuinely wants… or the next checkbox he’s ready to fill now that the career part is handled?
If anyone else has lived in the in-between — loved, supported, but quietly fading in the distance between visits — I’d love to know how you held onto your sense of self.
TL;DR:
I (32F) am in a 5-month relationship with a 56M airline captain who’s deeply loving and present when he’s home, but gone for long stretches. Even though we’re serious and I feel loved, I struggle with the emotional disconnect when he’s away — like I’m living a full life only in fragments. Trying to stay grounded without losing myself in the gaps.