32M, 29F, together 2 years
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years. We live together and things have been mostly good.
Last night, I came home and saw her video chatting with a man on Chatroulette. She was speaking in her native language. As soon as she saw me, she quickly hid her phone and looked startled, almost like she was caught doing something wrong.
I asked what was going on, and she admitted she’d been drinking and was using the app because she was bored. She acknowledged it looked bad and apologized.
I want to believe her, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off. I feel hurt and unsure if this was just a dumb, drunken mistake or a sign of something deeper.
TL;DR: I (32M) caught my girlfriend (29F) video chatting with a man on Chatroulette. She hid her phone and later said she was just bored and drunk. She apologized, but I feel hurt and unsure how to move forward.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If she felt innocent, she wouldn’t have hidden. And if she didn’t hide, you wouldn’t be here asking this.
You could’ve forgiven a sloppy mistake. But she didn’t act sloppy. she acted guilty. Whether it’s cheating or not, she broke the unspoken rule: “Don’t make your partner feel like a fool.” And now that you do… what’s left to rebuild on?
Call a spade a spade when it you see it.
I don’t like this whole downplaying excuse “I was drunk and just bored”
Alright, what does being bored even mean here?
At least own up to it… Don’t downplay it.
You were drunk and hungry for male attention (in a bad way). Call it exactly as it happened. Be truthful instead of deflective.
You caught her in the middle of doing someone disrespectful to the relationship. Red handed type thing.
The other questions… How often does this occur and how many times has she done it before?
Even then. Honestly would be enough for me to call things off. I want a wife where I don’t have to babysit. Your GF, the type you have to babysit and verify behaviour, not wife material.
She didn’t even have the balls to own up to exactly what it looked like. Downplayed it like it was simply her being bored. If her being bored means a pass to flirt around with others, not it.
She is definitely in the wrong but if I were you i wouldn’t be sure what to do. It really depends on what type of person she is and if you think she would do this again. Try to have an open conversation about it and say how it made you feel. You should do what feels right to you after hearing her response
You should feel hurt and dumb. She’s cheating on you. Break up and kick her out. Simple, take your respect back.
She doesn’t respect you nor the relationship
How would she feel if she saw you doing it?
You know what? Do it too and see how she feels. It’ll be a good lesson for her. If it ends in a breakup so what