Hi.
I’m naturally a rather solitary, geeky, kind, and open-minded person. But when things go wrong, I tend to turn into a major asshole.
Last year, when the latest WoW expansion came out, I met J (32F). A fantastic girl, and we really hit it off. I was just coming out of a grieving period — both my parents had passed away in quick succession — and then came a schizoid diagnosis. I shared everything with her, and she did the same. I told her it was my first Christmas alone — boom, a gift. I mentioned that my energy provider raised their rates — boom, €200 via PayPal. Same for my birthday — I told her none of my friends had ever given me a present in my life, and out of nowhere, a little package shows up. We laughed a lot, spent all our time together, chatted while she was at work, shared everything. I was her “release valve,” and she was my friend. At least, that’s what I believed. And yes, she did use her job at Mondial Relay to figure out where to send things.
On my end, since she was working, I prepped everything so our gaming time would be optimized when she got home.
Gradually, I fell into emotional dependency (was it lovebombing?). The issue?
She took the side of an absolute jerk (~20ish M) (maybe just from my perspective, but I can’t imagine a world where saying someone “acts like the main character” and then ignoring advices is okay). I know my own patterns — it escalated and escalated, and she didn’t budge an inch. All because I asked her to find someone to replace him. Because I told her what I thought of him — daily.
So yeah, it turned into some kind of hate-fueled limerence mixed with emotional dependency. The thing is: I’ve been ignored most of my life, so I never learned to love with dignity. And the fact that she pushed my requests aside to cater to that jerk (yes, she witnessed everything that made me think that way) — it wrecked me.
So I left the guild (and it wasn’t just any guild — we had other really good people in it too, people I clicked with — but somehow all of that was brushed aside) in a loud, messy breakdown. I tend to be a pressure cooker like that. For nearly a month, I begged her to leave too, because I wanted her to acknowledge the pain she’d caused me by sticking that guy on my back. I wanted proof of loyalty — not a sacrifice, just a sign. So yeah, I pestered her for a whole month about something that ultimately stemmed from my own weaknesses — and it all peaked with a suicide attempt.
Yeah, I know, it was stupid. But honestly, my life doesn’t hold much meaning — I live with chronic pain and anhedonia — and taking away the one bright spot I had felt… cruel.
So I took a step back. And for a month, things were okay. Until I mentioned that the group (which I was a part of, mind you) didn’t have what it takes to clear the hardest content in the game. That’s when she started sulking and ghosting me for days.
Then she tells me she’s “owning up to her responsibilities,” and that’s when I broke down again — because that’s exactly what I’d been begging her to do all along.
That said:
- I’ve never seen a manager quit on their own when they mess up. (She recruited the guy and said, “Let’s see how it goes.” When I pointed out all the issues? Ignored.)
- I suffered — a lot. I gave her my time — a lot. I tried — many things. But she wouldn’t compromise. Not once.
- I locked myself inside my pain and saw it all as betrayal, even though I knew she was there for me.
- I also know she knew everything — because I told her everything. And for me, when you know and you say you love someone, you don’t go against their best interests. Later I was told it was all “ironic” or that I was being completely unrealistic, that my view of reality was messed up.
- But at the same time, she acted exactly like the kind of people she hates at work — rude workers, ineffective managers, and so on. And sure, it’s just gaming, but group dynamics are the same.
I know you can’t control people’s desires or wishes. But I also believe that when you truly care about someone, you work hand in hand. Even her boyfriend was jealous of me at one point (even though I encouraged her to stay with him). Even our guildmates thought we were together because we were so close. They even thought she’d follow me. They said, “We know how this is going to end.”
So when I cracked again, I threw away her gifts and paid her back. Why? Because material things don’t matter. Or at least… not entirely. I even went to retrieve the plushie from my trash. It would’ve been hypocritical — I’ve kept physical memories from other people, so why not her?
Now? I miss her. I don’t know what to think, or do, or say. I know I expected too much from someone who already had everything, while I had very little.
I turned this story into a tragedy — me, the wounded hero, and her, a cold angel.
In a way, this showed me that I can love — but that I’m not worthy of it. That I can be incredibly sweet when things go my way, but the slightest feeling of betrayal breaks me.
For me, it wasn’t just a game. It was a deep, intense bond. And her passivity destroyed me. She knew she was my pillar. Maybe, in the end, people don’t owe each other anything.
To wrap it up? I’m used to grieving in batches. Another friend, unrelated to all this, told me the same day that she wanted to take a break from everyone, that she needed time. I told her I understood — even if it hurt.
Not everyone has the strength to carry 30 years of abandonment and social misery. She’s not a therapist.
TLDR :
I (32M) see The War Within is coming out and I’m hyped.
I join a new guild, thinking they seem nice.
First raid, I meet a funny priest (32F).
We start doing dungeons — we get along great.
She helps me a lot, becomes a strong support.
She gets promoted to officer and starts handling recruitment.
She recruits that guy (20M).
Like everyone else, I try to help him, but he starts throwing around little comments like "I do this better." I let it slide.
Christmas comes, she gives me a gift. I'm touched.
During the Classic season, I'm having fun with her, but that guy returns and starts dropping extremely nasty comments. I try to overlook it and carry on.
Progression resumes. She suggests having him co-tank with me. As usual, I make sure he’s prepared. He says "yeah, don’t worry, I know it."
I end up dying twice as much, and my feedback is ignored.
I ask for a new co-tank. She ignores me.
I start calling the guy a bastard daily. I write a long post where he’s the antagonist and lay out everything that’s wrong.
I’m ignored. I go on strike.
She finds that guy a new co-tank.
I snap and leave the guild.
She gives me my only birthday present that year. I’m touched, again.
Despite everything, I still care about her, so I keep in touch.
I tell her everything — where it hurt, where she messed up. She ignores it.
Every week, I lose it again over the same thing, with the peak being a voice chat meltdown. Her attitude never changes.
And still, I love her enough to call her Khal'abbil.
But she keeps drifting away, even as I try to meet her needs.
I always tell her what hurts me — and she hits exactly those spots.
She claims to "own her responsibilities as an officer" — which stings badly because she didn’t step up when she saw her friend drowning.