My husband (34M) and I (33F) have been married for a year, together for about three. He owns a car and I don’t so whenever we go places together he is always the one driving.
When we first started dating, I told him a story about being in a car accident years ago. It was not my fault, another driver ran a red light and hit me. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but now that we are married I asked him once if I can use the car for an errand and he said no.
Since then, he says things like “I don’t want to risk it” or jokes about my “bad luck,” but to me it doesn’t feel like a joke. It feels like he doesn’t trust me. I have a clean record aside from that one incident but it is not even an option with him. Even on long drives where he is clearly exhausted, he insists on staying behind the wheel.
I don’t want this to turn into a fight or make it sound like I just want control of his car, but I do want him to understand how patronizing this feels. I want him to see that I am a capable, safe driver, and that he can trust me.
How do I bring this up in a way that does not immediately put him on the defensive?
TLDR I told my now-husband about a car accident years ago when we first started dating. It was not my fault. Now that we are married, it feels like he doesn’t trust me to drive.
Comments
What kind of car is it?
He has a choice , who cares
I would turn this into a fight
Buy yourself a used car. Never rely on a man.
Yeah, so this is worth fighting about. Also how in the world is this just NOW an issue.
to not put people on the defensive you start the conversation with how you’re feeling rather than what they’ve done. So for this one I’d say, husband, I’ve noticed you don’t let me drive your car, and i feel like im being patronized about it. It’s this bc i got hit years ago? Is there some other reason?
Women, please stop marrying men who don’t respect you.
You can’t bring it up without him getting defensive. It’s not going to happen.
Your choices are either talk through this and LET him get defensive, or continue to quietly seethe.
He needs to be on the defensive about his shitty take.
I had a friend who insisted that he was DEFINITELY the better driver, and was always paranoid when I was driving.
I kept reminding him that in my many decades of driving, I’d never had a ticket or an accident. EVER.
He’d had 6 accidents and had paid out thousands in tickets.
Guys have an ego thing about driving. No idea what that’s about.
Start taking steps towards buying yourself a car. This feels controlling.