I am 35F, husband is 37M. Married for 14 years and due this month with our 4th child. Since I have be pregnant the intimacy has been nonexistent. The most that has happened is I have given him BJ’s. Intimacy during pregnancy has always suffered when I am pregnant, not due to the my lack of drive. If anything I want it more during pregnancy. For some reason he struggles with it and in return my self confidence takes a hit for it. I am a petite person in general. Usually reaching about 150 lbs during pregnancy. Gaining weight is difficult for me mentally. Anyway… i am a SAHM, he is self employed and works non stop. Comes in, has a beer, stares at his phone, and goes to bed after midnight. Last night I tried to initiate things with a toy. He basically told me to do it myself, rolled over we and went back to sleep. I also tried initiating things the night before, but it didn’t go well. It didnt feel like he was into it and ultimately he did not finish. It was awkward, and I got emotional.
I always hear about men always wanting it. Daily or atleast multiple times a week. Mine could easily go months without intimacy and have no issues. Is this normal? Red flag? I would say this has been a common issue throughout our marriage.
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Have you… asked him?
Sex drive varies from person to person. Also, drive tends to go down for men in their 30s and up for women.
Also, some men really don’t like sex with someone who is pregnant. Its usually a mental block for those who don’t like it. Whether they fear harming the baby (won’t happen), or just don’t like the idea of having sex with their child in you, it is a normal thing to happen.
Communicate how you have been feeling with your husband, and ask him what his reservations are, if any. That will result in being able to talk through it and hopefully come to a mutual ground of intimacy where you are both happy.
My husband didn’t really want to have sex with me much the last few months of my pregnancy. Turns out he didn’t want to hurt me or our daughter. Unfortunately we lost our daughter during labor. We are 10w PP and very active with each other. Seasons like these are normal, but you should communicate with him about this during a neutral time when you aren’t trying to actively initiate.
I get it, feeling overlooked in a moment when you need connection the most… it’s tough, and it probably feels like no one gets how much this weighs on you, maybe try setting aside a quiet time to talk about what you’re both needing without any pressure, just to start the conversation.