As the title implies, I found out earlier this week that my girlfriend at the time was sexting a guy from work. We’ll call him J. J according to my girlfriend was “just a friend” and actually “may be gay or atleast bisexual”. Any time I brought up my concern with J texting her at what seemed like all hours of the day or night. She would just reply he was one of the guys from work and I was being insecure or jealous for bringing it up. J is in a relationship with someone who also works for the same company as my ex and J. Let’s call her M.
The plan according to my ex and J was for, my ex girlfriend to break up with me (because she knew I wasn’t the one and had known that for quite some time apparently) and immediately jump into a relationship with J, once J broke up with M. and moved into his own place since he lived with her.
The text messages were so disturbing and graphic, some of them were sent while me and my ex were in bed together. I’ll save some of the details but let’s just say in her own words my ex wants to do bad things with J.
The part that still bothers me is if I had not found out about this, my ex would have broken up with me a month or so from now( for probably the 10th time in 3+ years. Yes I know that is awful and I have a lot of self worth work to do) and I would have believed everything was my fault when in reality this was going on behind my back. I thought she was just stressed out with work and family stuff which was why we had not been intimate in a long time (we only had sex once this year and it was in January). I know now that I was being delusional about why we weren’t really being intimate but we literally just talked about going to couples counseling at the beginning of May and she was interested in going.
I confronted her about it as soon as I found out about the texts and she denied it. Tried convincing me that some of the messages were edited by J’s girlfriend M. After some very choice words on my part, she admitted that those texts were awful and agreed it was disgusting behavior. She then tried telling me her and J had never done anything more than sext, that she had never been alone with him and had never even held his hand.
We spoke a few days after this happened again almost as a last goodbye. It was very sad, as messed up as this is. I really loved this girl with my entire heart. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I would have done anything for her. I’ve known her for almost 20 years. She was my best friend and the closest person in my life. It feels like I’m grieving someone living who I know I can’t have in my life ever again. I don’t believe she’s a bad person but I can’t forgive what happened. Somethings you can’t unsee. She is removed from all my socials and she ended up blocking my number after we spoke the last time.
How can I move forward from this? Like I know she can’t be in my life anymore because I can’t unsee certain things but another part of me is struggling with completely letting go.
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One day at a time, really. Let it hurt. Pour love into yourself . Make connections with friends. Start a hobby. Most importantly, make sure you are no contact.
This is typical. You need to give wounds time to heal. Even the internal ones. Your feelings and skeptics were 100% valid though.
What helped me:
Would I really want her back? After she did this? No. You deserve better. And one day you’ll look back and see it as a lesson. You’ll find a person who treats you better. You’ll be 10x happier too
Time. That’s really the only thing that gets you past these types of relationships. Good thing is that you’ll get into a good one eventually and remember how much of an idiot you once were for tolerating this girls bullshit.