Honestly, it feels like I got hit by a freight train.
We were together on and off for 10 years. Just three weeks after it ended, she got engaged. I’m still trying to process it. I didn’t expect to feel this shaken, but it’s hitting me way harder than I thought it would.
It’s surreal. One moment you’re a huge part of someone’s life, and the next, it’s like you never existed.
I’m not even sure what I’m hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe just to hear from people who’ve gone through something similar. How do you deal with something like this? How do you even begin to make sense of it?
Thanks for reading. I just really needed to let it out.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I dated someone roughlyyy four months after their 10-11 year relationship (dated for 3.6 years). I should have known better myself to not date him at the time bc that’s still super early. Once we broke up, he soon after found someone else and got married and had a kid (he always told me he never wanted to do either of those). I think some people emotionally exit relationships and it’s hard to tell when. If she wanted to get married and y’all weren’t doing it or had plans to, then some people are going to exit and find what they want. But I also think that some people simply don’t value what they have and chase people so quickly to fill a void they can’t handle by themselves (spoiler: it never gets filled so they will keep bouncing around once something fails). You got this, OP!!
The other guy is even more fucked, no way that woman was loyal at all.
Were you willing to commit or did she feel you were stringing her along during her childbearing years? Shes 31, and unlike you who can go date a woman in her 20s, didn’t feel she had an endless runway to fulfill the life dream of marriage and kids (if that’s what she wanted). So maybe she was desperate to get married, have stability, and felt immense internal pressure to do so, so she agreed to the first guy who showed commitment. Maybe it’s a massive mistake or maybe it’ll be her soulmate. Regardless, the relationship you had was toxic (if it was so on and off) and you should be happy it’s over, and you can move on.
Her clock is ticking, she wants to get married and found someone else to fit the bill. It’s not going to last and she’ll be back. Just block her everywhere and move on, because you aren’t right for each other anyway.
Well, she was probably “on and off” with her now FH during part of that time as well. It’s hard to say how you should feel.
We’re you the main reason it was “on and off”? If so, she finally realized it was never going to work with you. Did you think you’d be able to pick back up with her when you were ready?
If she was the one who kept breaking up or avoiding commitment with you, then be glad the decision to reconcile is out of your hands.
Y’all obviously weren’t right for each other for whatever reason. Take what you’ve learned from. your time together and move on.
What’s there to be shocked about? She got tired of waiting for you to commit to her.
I was the girl in this situation. On and off with a guy for the better part of 12 years. We did have a kid together though. Best thing I ever did was give up on him. He drug me along for so long, promising marriage and even half assed proposing to me a few months before the end of our relationship. Him not committing to me was the number 1 reason our relationship was so spotty in rhe first place.
I’m still upset over it though because he wasted my best years and made it damn near impossible for me to find another guy and fulfill my dream of marriage and a total of 3 kids.
You guys are lucky. You don’t have kids. Just cut ties and move on ain’t a big deal.