TLDR: Partner A owns an apartment, Partner B does not feel he should pay towards housing now that he has a new apt post-breakup. Partner A thinks he should pay towards housing since they live together in the apt again. What is more fair?
My boyfriend and I are both writing this post to get outside opinions on what seems to be the fairest solution to our problem.
Important context: We were together for 4 years and living in Partner A’s [37M] apartment that he owns. Up until this time, Partner B [33M] was paying 1/3 of the monthly expenses as rent (mortgage + utilities = 4300) based on our income (Partner A makes double – so we both previously agreed this was fair).
We ended briefly but we are now back together and are living in A’s apartment again. B feels strongly that he should not have to pay towards monthly housing expenses while currently paying rent for his new apt. A feels like he should pay towards the monthly housing and should get rid of his other apt.
Partner B: We ended things, I scrambled quick to find an apt. Paid the usual rental fees – first, last, security, realtor fee, and now have a monthly payment of 3k. We got back together in April, I moved back in in June. I still have my other apartment, so Im paying the monthly rent. Im selfishly wanting to keep the apartment for a bit. Im nervous to get rid of it out of fear that we may b/u again and I’ll be back at square one. Because of this – I didnt expect that A would want me to be contributing to his apt expenses. I feel that the b/u was a joint mistake and I view my current rental apt as more of a “joint” expense – though I understand he was not a part of renting it.
Partner A: I do not expect B to pay monthly expenses right away, but it’s not fair to assume the new rental apartment is now a joint problem. I had no say in this apartment. I get that he wants to feel housing security, but 3K is a steep price to pay for that. I feel penalized having to pay for the housing we share while he pays for housing that is empty.
We both overall feel great about being back together. But we’d like to hear what everyone thinks regarding:
- A feeling like B should be contributing towards A’s apartment
- B wanting to keep the rental apartment for security.
Comments
If he’s living there, he needs to pay rent. Period.
It’s his choice to keep a separate residence. He can either live there and pay one rent, or live together and pay two rents. Living together and not paying rent is beyond selfish.