I’m 31 and I wouldn’t even sleep with a 19 year old man. I just feel way past that age
People called me a creep for wanting to date a 22 year old man being 31 myself. This 22 year old kept asking me out. I kept having second thoughts about it due to his age. Nothing happened between us we just got a coffee
I know a single dad of 2 who’s 43, is seeing a 19 year old woman
The mothers of his children are 46 and the other mother is around 40
So now he wants to have a fling with a woman who’s old enough to be his daughter 😂
Obviously it’s legal and both are adults. But still 😂
I made lots of mistakes when I was 19 and 20.
I now know that was because I was so young. Research shows the brain doesn’t fully develop until your 25
The last thing I would want is an older middle aged man taking advantage. When I was 19 that could have happened to me.
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No, you’re definitely not the only one!
I mean he has two kids by two different mothers now he’s dating a teenager… what else do you need to know about the level of creep he is.
Yes it’s weird. These grown men wouldn’t even be friends with a 19yr old male because of not being able to relate and the immaturity of 19 yr old but so quick to date the girls. But they know they can get away with more because the 19yr old is more naïve than women his age.
Older woman are able to pick up his bullshit lol he has two broken households.. that says a lot about him so yeah I’m sure he can get away with more by being with a 19-year-old than with an older woman who knows he is a total red flag.
As a 43-year-old, that’s actually disgusting.
I find it gross. And I don’t care what genders they are. Any 42 year old dating a 19 year old to me is gross.
No it’s not okay. It’s wrong and saying it’s okay, because she is an adult and old enough to make decisions, is also wrong..
People should not do this. A good guide is the age decided my two plus 7. That would be 43/2+7=28,5 years, he should not go under that age ..
It might be legal, but a 19-year-old isn’t even fully cooked cognitively, as you said.
Men who do this are predators taking advantage of the “young and dumb”. No one his age will put up with his bullshit so get a young adult in there and mold her to how he wants her to be. Yuck.
That poor girl needs better adults in her life. Couldn’t care less about age gaps when there’s two full grown adults, but she’s literally a teenager. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s okay.
People have really varied opinions about age gaps, and I do think there should be nuance.
My issue is rarely the gap in age but the power dynamics at work. When the youngest person is under 26 years old, anyone who is significantly more established in life generally has more influence than someone who’s in the same place in life.
For instance, if the younger person is 19 and the older person is 25, the 19 year old just graduated from high school, has likely never lived on their own before and can be very easily influenced by the 25 year old. That’s a 6 year age gap.
Now, a 29 year old dating a 35 year old is much less concerning because a 29 year old and 35 year old are likely in more similar places in life. That 6 year age gap feels like nothing.
As a 37 year old, I’m very established. I know who I am, I have set options on things, and I’m fully independent. I could date someone 25 years my senior and be totally fine, ethically speaking.
Short answer: yes, 43 to 19 is a problem, not because of the number of years, but because of the huge disparity in life experience.
That is super creepy. I was preyed upon when I was a teenager “but legal”. That shit is predatory and I would never consider a relationship or sleeping with someone who is a teenager, or in their 20’s. I have nothing in common with someone that age.
My 39yo husband cheated on me multiple times with teenagers or 20 yos. It honestly made sense to me. A grown woman would see through his bullshit and see how little he had to offer. A 19 y.o. was simply enamoured because he was ‘hot’.
It’s sad.
VERY GROSS
I’m 29 and 43 would be too old for me to date even, though a hook up would be fine
I think it’s weird, gross and predatory. Tired of people saying bUt iTs LeGaL about age gap relationships where the older person is literally more than double their partners age and the younger person isn’t a fully developed person yet.
They think it’s only okay for men to age. They want women to feel disposable. Like we expire or something.
I’m 33 and couldn’t imagine dating 25 year old man let alone a 19 year old boy yuck.
It’s gross. I pretty firmly believe men getting into relationships with women this young bc women that are older will not tolerate their behavior, communication skills, etc. This is coming from a woman who ended up in one of these relationships at 18 and stayed till I was 30
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt’s husband is 32 years older than her. Yes it’s gross.
No, you are not the only one, I find that disgusting!
No, you are not the only one who finds that gross. Legal or not, dude’s a creep.
It’s nasty. If she were 25 , not so bad. 19 is still a kid.
This is predator behavior
Big no. I was mature for my age and at 19 I was definitely still a kid.
Everyone likes different things. My sister loved hooking up with 40ish dudes when she was 19-20…. They’re better lovers.
It might not be your cup of tea, but as long as everyone is an adult with consent, it’s not really your concern.
Creepy.
I once dated a man 17 years my senior but I was already in my early 30s. While it was fine, the age gap meant we were in different stages of life so it didn’t work out.
I can’t fathom being 19 with someone that much older and not being taken advantage of. It’s not only completely different stages of life, but I know I would reflect back later on life and regret it. Because at 19, I wouldn’t know my own shit well enough to say no to anyone.
That’s predator behaviour.
I found out my fiance had dated a 22yo when he was 41/42. I was disgusted and almost ended things with him. I ended up marrying this man but it will always be in my mind and if he ever cheats on me one day with a younger woman I will have to tell myself I knew better. So yeah I think it’s gross but reality check, men are gross. We are the unlucky saps attracted to them lol.
To me, the older person is predatory and they have some major personality flaw as to why they have to seek out barely legal adults
Gross to the extreme. I’m 42, and would feel weird dating a 30-something year old, let alone a teenager.
When I was 18 I went on a couple of dates with a 29 year old man. He dropped me off home one night, and expected me to invite him. Into the house I lived with my parents, into my teenage bedroom that was still covered in posters of singers and filled with stuffed animals. In that moment I knew it was fucking weird and I didn’t see him again. You can’t tell me that it’s normal for fully grown adults to want to date teenagers.
Yea I’m almost 30 and it’s gross. I can understand looking at 19/20 and thinking she is attractive but it’s immediately followed by the fact that she is a kid and more importantly I wouldn’t like my sister/cousin/niece/daughter messing with a grown ass man as they are fresh outta school. Guys just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should!
When I was 19 that DID happen to me. Now that I have daughters, I feel so sick about that “sugar daddy” situation.
I was 19 with a 37 year old. I am 35 now and could not imagine being involved with a 19 yo, they’re babies!!!!
It is absolutely gross and I feel so sad for my 19 yo self who didn’t know any better.
Yep gross. I’m 38 and I’d definitely be hesitating dating anybody more than 10 years younger
“Legal” adult age is just a made up thing that isn’t based on anything. A 19 year old is a kid, a teenager. There are zero scenarios in which this isn’t disgusting and predatory.
I was a 19 year old once in a secret relationship with my 47 year old boss. It is definitely gross. Predatory. I was 100% manipulated, groomed, naive– he was abusive, and I was left with trauma that took years of therapy to process. Anyone looking for someone that much their junior is looking for someone easy to control- period.
Most people would think this is gross.
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Yeah that weirds me out. I saw a post on another subreddit the other day from a 19-year-old who was pursuing a 70-year-old. Just… what.
I’m not against some degree of age gap altogether, that would make me a hypocrite because I’m 40 and my fiancé is 56 (35 and 51 when our relationship began, two years into being friends). I don’t even notice the difference and and it’s the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve had; ex-husband was a year younger than me, ex-girlfriend was six years older, neither one was the right fit. But it’s different when you’re… you know… truly an adult. Certainly by the time you’re middle-aged it doesn’t matter. (That said, at 40 I would not date someone who, was, say, 70.) When you’re still in your teens or early 20s though — teens especially — it just feels ew to me. Never say never I guess, in terms of whether it’s a genuine connection, but I really don’t see someone that young dating someone 20 or 30 or more years older than themselves as an equal and healthy relationship.
IDC what the law says, in some states you can marry 10-12 year olds. Law doesn’t mean shit. It’s gross and wrong. That’s a kid.
Yeah, really grim.
It’s gross.
What 2 consenting adults do is none of my business 🤷♀️
It’s gross.
I think age of consent and age gaps are… complicated, to a degree. It’s not an exact science. But there’s a reason we shutter when we think about a 19 year old with a 43 year old imho…
It’s icky. If I found out a man dated a teenager when he was in his 40’s, I’d be so repulsed. Two years ago, she was still in high school. Two years ago, he was still in his 40’s. Yuckkkkk
Definitely gross. Legal != ethical.
Totally taking advantage and manipulation on the man’s part.
In the country where I live some young girls are fascinated by successful older men who of course enjoy their young age for obvious reasons. As long as it’s consensual, I’d say live and let live
People who think the only thing stopping them from dating a teenager is when the law prevents them from doing so are predators.
For me it is creepy. But I also came across a lot of young women, starting at 16! who wanted to sleep with older men, many of them for money. Sugar dating is so blasted and glamorized on social medias, that teens want it all for themselves. And while there is plenty of wrong with it, if they adults then well.. let them make those decisions. If it’s a mistake then they can be mad at themselves.
Plenty of those young girls would call you the worst, nasty names just because you care and want to protected them.
Absolutely a red flag for me.
What does she see in him though? Why is she dating him?
Yeah it’s weird; I can’t even imagine what they have in common, talk about etc.
Wild. As a 23 year old, I dated a 35 year old man. Yikes. Now that I’m 33, I can’t imagine dating someone a decade+ younger. Like what would we even have in common? Not much lol
That’s the exact age gap trump and his wife have lol
Older men who prey on young women is the most disgusting thing to me.
At 34 I wouldn’t even consider a man/woman under 28. 25 and under is basically a child. I would 100% stop being friends with a man if he decided to go after a young woman
I, 33F, recently had a friend breakup over this kind of thing. My friend 38M started hooking up with a 19M college student who lived 3 hours away. It was unofficial, but my friend thought he was the one after a few weeks of texting. They had only met once at the point where my friend wanted to bring this teenager date to a close friend party that I was hosting where everyone would be in mid 30s and there would be alcohol and cannabis. I was uncomfortable with the age difference, but with the understanding that gay relationships have different dynamics and social stuff I was open to the idea of this young fella being the One, but I wasn’t ready to meet them or mesh friend groups. I told them I respected their connection and support them if they want to pursue something serious, but that I was not ready to meet them until they had established something serious and longterm. Which I thought was fair, but he didn’t think so. He said it was a double standard and to never talk to him again. I just didn’t want you to bring the teenager you are fucking to my house.
He had a habit of choosing folks he knew couldn’t reciprocate on his level, because of his upbringing he is determined to prove to these sorts of people that he’s worthy. It is heartbreaking to see. Someone reminded me that these folks will sometimes turn away from people who encourage good things because they don’t feel worthy of at the time or aren’t ready to live in a place of truth. I was never under the impression he was hurting the other guy, just hurting himself. I’m still really broken up about it, I dont know how i was supposed to handle it.
Yes that is gross. It reminds me of how gross my soon to be ex husband is. He was always making observatory comments about young women we saw out and about.
Then he came to one of my bodybuilding competitions and met a 19 year old in an elevator and connected with her on social media so he can see pictures of her posing in bikinis.
When we first split up I noticed his Facebook friend count went up by 20 people and it was all these young Asian girls.
🤢 so grossed out thinking about it again.
I know a 43 year old who married and had a baby with a 19 year old 🤢
My ex husband was 30 and cheated on me with a 19 year old…that gave me major ick…this age gap is worse…and none of “she’s so mature for her age” 🤢
To each their own but it’s not for me and gives me the ick.
I’ve been that 19yo. But so many of my friends were dating men much older than them. Now, I see how weird it was. These men were childish. Had no goals and no desire to help me with mines.
It’s gross
As a 33 year old,
Ew. Even dating a 21 year old is weird to me because their mental state isn’t there yet.
Going to offer a contrary opinion here and probably get downvoted, but I don’t see the issue with (both adults) age gap relationships.
Abuse and coercion can, and sadly does, happen in any age. The “not really an adult at 19” thing has always struck me as a slippery slope; if you can’t decide at 19 who to be in a relationship with, why should you be able to vote, work in high impact jobs like healthcare, join the army, take out a loan, and so on? It seems almost insulting to the younger person. Our brains never stop developing, so the frontal lobe thing is largely pseudo science.
I think grown adults can decide who to love and who to sleep with. Even if it isn’t to my particular taste.
I actually saw a similar post in the ask men group and was pleasantly surprised that the majority of men said it was gross, inappropriate, etc.
I think it’s gross and sad.
This topic has come up A LOT on Reddit recently. What gives?
I was in a hot tub at a hotel pool a few weekends ago. This 19 year old kid sat in the pool with another guy who must have been in his mid 40s. I couldn’t help but hear their conversation, and it was so damn strange. He was talking about his sophomore year in college, his mom and dad wanting him to major in something but him not wanting to; while meanwhile the guy was talking about what he did in the career he’d been in for a couple decades. It was such a stilted conversation, I couldn’t figure it out until it hit me: Grindr hookup (later confirmed by their conversation). Once I realized, the whole thing just became so weird.
It also triggered a flashback. In college I had a few gay male friends, and just as Grindr was becoming a thing, I watched all of them go off and have random hookups on a weekly, even daily basis. And many of the men were significantly older by decades. I never thought much of it at the time, other than I was jealous at the ease to which they were able to have those one-off encounters at literally the touch of a button.
But it made me realize that now many many years later, none of those friends regret what they did like you so frequently hear the same regrets from women. And the few I’m still in touch with that are single are now on the reverse end of things, sleeping with younger men.
It all made me wonder if this is inherently a masculine desire; or if society makes men this way. Or if society allows men to be this way. Or if it’s something else. Or all of the above. Does the regret come from unmet expectations or flat out lies as experienced by women? Or unacknowledged trauma on the part of the men?
Two things were abundantly clear. One is that the difference in power could not have been more obvious. The older dude was clearly doing his best to talk on the same wavelength, but that alone made it all the more obvious. The second is that it was extremely clear that all of this was just chitchat before an anonymous one night stand that neither of them would ever likely revisit, if even remember.
I’m a parent now, I have a young son and a young daughter. I honestly just wanted to relax in the damn hot tub, I never wanted to devote so much thought to the issue. But man, I just kept thinking for some reason that if the kid was my son, I would just feel so sad about the whole thing.
Literally a generation difference. He is her father’s age. What do they have in common?
That is gross 🤢.When I was 18 I dated a 21 year old. We broke up 19-22. I made mistakes in that relationship. We never slept together.
The good thing about knowing a man is dating someone so young is that you now know to maintain a mile of distance between yourself, him, and any associates that seem into it.
You again?
Why do you make so many weird posts, especially about peoples’ ages?
I think it makes him sound like a first class loser because what mature man wants to hang out with a teenage gf, but I don’t think it’s gross. They’re adults. They get to pick.
Would you think it was gross if she was married and had a kid at 19? Or move out on her own and get job? If she’s old enough for that, she’s old enough to decide who she wants in her bed. We also send men off to war at 19.
IMO, you can’t have it both ways by only infantilizling someone when you don’t approve of who they sleep with. That’s an excuse to lay all the blame on the guy.
Ok, let me ask you this. A male colleague of mine was 20 when he hooked up with a 40 year old female. 10 years later, still together, he’s 30, her 50. I personally find this weird af, but because the oldest is female, no one bats an eye!! A 20-year age gap is too much for anyone imo.
I know a 19 year old is LEGALLY an adult but they are also still a teenager. That’s disgusting. I can’t.
Ew…. Lol
The ages of me and my son.
That’s absolutely disgusting.
Sounds like he’s stuck in his teens. Those girls rejected him when he was that age, now he can get some .
I don’t care. Adults will do adult things. As long as the 19 year old is 100% on board then there’s no issue. It’s none of my business.
WhY aRe YoU iNfAnTaLiZiNg WoMeN?! ThEy CaN makE tHeIr OwN cHoIcEs!
I think a lot of men will claim that’s gross publicly but would do it if the opportunity arose. I recently went out with a man who claimed it was gross. I ended up coming across his reddit account. Guess who writes sexual comments on teen nsfw subreddits 🙄
If she is 19, then he is technically a hebephile. It’s revolting.
My own personal opinion is I do not like any age gap over 10 years and even that is questionable to me.
Here in Denmark (and other places as well probably) we use the role of divide your age by 2 and add 7. That’s your partner’s minimum age. So mine would be 47/2+7 = 30.5. I think it makes sense. What do you think?
Just sex? Who cares. A relationship? That’s odd.